That's us, dude!

The kids and I have begun what's called Socratic Seminars. We sit in a big circle and discuss interesting articles, fables, morals, etc. The point isn't to come to a right answer, but to recognize that, as Socrates says, "The only true wisdom consists of knowing that you know nothing." I love the movie Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Bill and Ted look at each other incredulously after reading this quote, and reply, "That's us, dude!"

The kids and I are realizing how much we grow through these seminars, which involve 90% listening and 10% talking. We begin by reading a passage of text and formulating our thoughts privately. We quietly jot down our individual questions and opinions. Once everyone feels they have something substantial to offer the discussion, we begin the seminar. There's no hand-raising or arguing, the kids and I just listen as one person poses a question and we respond as we feel led. Of course, everyone feels led, because we all wrote down our thoughts before the seminar began! But, only one person can speak at a time, and therefore no one has enough time to share everything they thought; they are forced to listen. This frustrates them, annoys them, and genuinely makes them want to shout out, "listen to me!" But, by the end of the seminar, we all stand there amazed by how much we learned from each other! I , "the teacher", come away astounded by how my eyes were opened to new ways of seeing the text just from listening to the kids.

The best was when one of my fifth graders stayed after school to share with me. This student is quite gifted and spends 1/2 the day in middle school because he is doing math two years ahead, and writing a year ahead.. When he is in our class in the afternoon, he tends to have a lot of the answers and isn't shy about speaking up. So, just after the bell rang and our seminar ended, he approached me in a quieter manner than usual.

"Mrs. LaGravinese, Socrates was right... In the beginning of the seminar I realized I was talking a lot, so I made myself stop and listen. About halfway through I realized that some of the quietest people in our class are really smart! And some of the kids who are in trouble a lot, had really good ideas. I learned so much from them, [laughs sheepishly] all because I stopped talking."

***

Listening to others is powerful, and opens your mind to possibilities you would never come to on your own. To listen, though, you must stop talking. You must stop thinking about yourself.
To truly listen, you have to believe that what the other person has to say is valuable.
Don't listen with the sole intent of offering solutions, or
Relating your own life to theirs.
The most unlikely and unseemly people have much to offer you, if only that through really listening to them, you have learned to love others as you do yourself.

How much of your day involves this kind of listening to others, with an open heart and an eager mind? This kind of listening is powerful in our relationships, like pouring some Miracle Grow into our lives. We will blossom with friends, family, God, and in understanding ourselves. If you think you're doing someone else a favor by "listening" to them, then you are probably not listening at all.

I think this kind of listening can be uncomfortable, frightening, and even painful as it both takes away your control and opens you to the possibility of change. You are laying down your opinions, your answers, your experiences, and all of your great wisdom. All of this with the intent to genuinely value and find worth in another.What a challenge!

Mark 12:28-31

Footprints in the Sand

You may have seen the popular poem, Footprints in the Sand? The poet describes a dream she had of walking with the Lord across a beach. As different parts of her life pass by, she notices that in each scene she can see their footprints in the sand. At times the dreamer describes seeing two sets of footprints walking together in the sand. Yet at other times there is only one set, and she realizes that it's during the hardest times of her life that the other pair of footprints disappear. She is bothered by the abandonment of the Lord in her most difficult times, and she asks, Lord, though you promised to always be there with me, why weren't you there when I needed you most? The Lord replies to her, I was there. I was the one carrying you.

***

In our bible study we are talking about "Walking Across the Room" ... having the confidence to leave your place of comfort and step out for people; taking an interest in other people's lives and taking a risk in getting to know others, and allowing them to get to know you. In the DVD segments of the study, I have been so astounded to hear the stories of people whose lives have been changed by conversations that took place months and even years before.

***

So why these sentimental snippets? Well, today was one of those moments, where I thought there was only one set of footprints.  If you know me well, you probably know that I'm a lover. I love animals, I love hugs, I love people, I love wholesome movies where love triumphs in the end.  I am just that way. I've always been a peace seeking person, and I believe that love is the single most important purpose of my life, as well as the route to peace.

Love, however, has another aspect. Love is fierce. It defends, protects, and perseveres in the face of evil. Love causes conflict. Love is a fight. You've seen it in the movies, right? Well, that side of love surfaces in me every now and then too. I am passionate about children. This isn't some cliche saying or a get up on my soap-box moment, it just is. I will fight you to the death over a child's safety, wellbeing, and future. So today, in a conference room meeting for a former student of mine, I felt something was going wrong. I felt like this boy needed a champion to step into the ring and fight, and, I jumped in! My heart was beating fast, and I felt my face getting flushed. My voice shook and my eyes had.. some moisture. After I spoke up,  I got a response all right!

...  .... ... 

The Silent Treatment. 

It would have been a perfect moment for the crickets to begin chirping and frogs to croak.

Soon after, the meeting ended awkwardly. I felt like, oh my goodness, what did I just do? Was I rude to my coworkers, and to these school officials I barely know? This is so unlike me! Yet, I didn't regret it. I gave the mother a hug, and went my way. I wished the Lord had shown up and said, "Thus sayeth the Lord. Give this child what he needs!" But, instead, I felt a bit wimpy with the silent reaction to my boxing ring fight.

It was late in the afternoon by this point, and the school was pretty empty, so I went to my room to take care of a few things before leaving. Suddenly one of the women who had been in the meeting came in. She said, "Rachel, we (several of the faculty in the meeting) were talking about what happened. Thank you. Thank you so much for what you said. You were in that meeting for a special reason." We talked a bit more and she left. She confirmed the surge of crazy love I had felt earlier in the conference room! Maybe my walk across the room for this student was heard.

I got home and after dinner, I thought, you know, I want to email that student's mother. She has been through the wringer since I've known her. Homeless, raising her children alone, searching for work, attending all her son's meetings, taking him to the hospital for diagnoses, listening to negative word after word about her child, etc. etc. etc. It was part of the reason I felt so much compassion for her in that meeting. 

I logged in to my school account and saw one new email, from her. I began to cry and praise God as I read it.

Hello,

   I just wanted to say thank you again. Between you and I, the other people in that room did not seem to care at all about what's been going on. I receive negative email after negative email, and it is hard to think that he might have to go through this all over again. But I don't want him to be pushed along, falling through the cracks, and not receive an education. It's very hard to do all of this by myself without his father helping me, but I will do anything for my child, he is the one that counts! THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING IN ----'s CORNER:) you are truly a great gift from God!!*

I thought I was fighting alone in that room, but little did I know, the Lord was carrying me. Just like the poet asked in the poem, "But Lord, you said that if I followed you, you would always be there?" He was there all right, and he was speaking in the silence of that room. As far as being a great gift from God, that mother has blessed me more than I ever could her.

God is always there, whether you and I can see it at the time, and whether we are ready to acknowledge it. I believe more than ever, that love is worth the fight. Love your spouse, love your coworkers, love your family, your children, and walk across the room to love strangers. God is in the midst changing lives, today, tomorrow, or years down the road.

Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. 

1Peter 4:8

*paraphrased for privacy

Parents, Teachers, & Conferences! Oh My!

 This week was parent-teacher conference week. Parents working long hours dread it. Teachers working long hours dread longer hours. Students who have parents that will soon be talking to teachers dread it. It really isn't that merry of an occasion.With that said, I love my kids. So, despite the extended hours and difficult conversations ahead, I look forward... no, that may not be the right choice of words... I appreciate the opportunity  to communicate face to face with the parents of the kids I have come to love so much!

Conference #86 billion and one...ok, not really, but it IS 6PM 

and I have been conferencing in 15-30 minute incremements since 1PM, and planning, teaching, cleaning, etc.etc. since 7:15 in the morning. 

The mom comes in and gives me a hug! She says I am beautiful! She wants to see a picture of me with my husband, and proceeds to tell me that we will have beautiful babies. This is not what I expect. God is good to me!

***

At the parent conference I had with this mom in the beginning of the school year, Mom came through the door like a whirlwind. She talked about her make-up, the dinner she had on the stove at home, the laundry that needed to be done... and I finally had to interrupt to say that I would make this quick, but it was important and I was glad she could be here. I showed her the F her daughter had in math. I told her the truth, that her daughter was at least a grade level behind, and more importantly, her daughter didn't seem to believe in herself. She gave up easily. She shrugged off her work, and didn't seemed fazed by her dwindling grades. I asked mom to bring her daughter to school an hour early twice a week, so I could work with her.

After the F conversation, I told mom that her daughter was something special and that she had a beautiful future ahead of her, and mom responded in surprise, "My daughter? I guess she can be sweet... she sure is a handful."  Mom then looked at me, at the F, and said, "I have my period, and cramps are killing me. Can I take off now?" That took me by surprise. I just managed to say, "Please bring her early every Tuesday and Friday for tutori--!" Mom was out the door. HOWEVER, every Tuesday and Friday from that day forward her daughter was at my door an hour before school, ready for tutoring.

***

So back to our current conference, after I showed mom the B! Yes B! her daughter was earning in math, and I spoke about her daughter's future and what a special little lady she is and how joyful she has become... mom looks me in the eye and says thank you. She tells me that there are many teachers that her five children have had over the years; teachers who are tired, worn out, and barely making it themselves. She says she is the last person to complain, because she can barely make it some days with her own five children at home. She cannot imagine a classroom of 30. But, then she adds, a parent knows when a teacher is there for her child. She says, you have a gift from God Mrs. LaGravinese and you have changed my daughter's life. You have made her fall back in love with learning, and for that I thank you so much.

I try to explain that Mom is the one who has made her daughter get up early in the morning, and brought her to tutoring with me every week. I tried to thank her for this--but she stopped me.

No, she says. Unfortunately, with five children to care for, a house to clean, and a job to get to, I haven't been the one to get her tutoring. It's my daughter. She sets her alarm early enough to get up and make breakfast, to shower and get ready, and then she begs me to get out of bed and drive her to tutoring. She never forgets, Mrs. LaGravinese. I can't believe it. She wouldn't miss it for the world. She respects you. Thank you so much.

Conference #86 billion and 2.... slight exaggeration, but it IS 6:30PM   

These parents I know well. We email frequently. We have met with the school counselor several times, and the principal knows their son by name. He is as unique as they come, and hand crafted by God for something special... but I'm pretty certain it's not a classroom desk, LOL. He alone I could blog about for a year straight. He is HILARIOUS. And SMART, really super out-of-the-box smart. And, incapable of finding a pencil, or putting papers in a folder, or following instructions that do not agree with his prerogative. If he is asked to, I don't know, put his name on his paper, there is a 50-50 chance he might have a nervous breakdown and literally dump his desk onto the floor in a moment of monstrous frustration. He might plop into the middle of the disaster he has just strewn across the carpet and begin to toss crinkled papers into the air. Meanwhile he will likely shout repeatedly, "Where's my pencil? My pencil? WhereismypencilWhereismypencilWhereismypencilWhereismypencil????"

***

This is the same kid that on the first day of school I was going through the expectations of the classroom, when I said, "It is wise to do your homework in a quiet area. Guys, that means NOT in front of the TV!" The kids giggle, but this particular student waves his hand in the air like he has something very urgent to share, so I say, "Yes?" not knowing who I am talking to. Yet.

He responds, "But, WHY can't we do homework in front of the TV?" 

I think to myself, did he not just hear me? So I repeat, "You need to work in a quiet area so that you are able to fully focus. The tv is a distraction." 

Instead of nodding, he raises his hand again, waving it even more urgently. 

"Yesss?"

"But what if the tv isn't ON?"     

   ...  You've got me there. I break into laughter, and our teacher-student relationship begins.

 ***

The conference went by smoothly; we brainstormed ways to minimize disrupting his classmates, and still encourage his out-of-the-box way of learning and thinking. We find out he has an anxiety disorder, and that is why he struggles. We shake hands, and they are off.

Conference #86 billion and 3.... not much of an exaggeration by now. It IS officially LATE. 

As my next conference begins, and the mother begins to cry because her father is sick with cancer in the hospital, I hug her and pray for her, and I think, this is my life's work right now. This verse today says it all, and I thank God wholeheartedly for the opportunity I have to glory in Him through teaching, and to bring Him glory in the workplace. I love my God, and I know that one day I will stand in heaven with Jesus, and see the neat things He has done through me.

Every child is worth it.

Colossians 3:23-24
23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Ejaculated is a fancy word

  I was recently talking with a friend who is teaching in Tajikistan. She needed a good laugh, like every teacher, and every human being... especially when times are tough and you feel alone. She also needed sanity. I wasn't sure if I had enough of the latter to send her, but the least I could do is share one of my latest... moments.

  So, here's how it went.

  I have some of the sweetest and innocent little girls this year. A few weeks ago, one of them approached me during silent reading time with an inquisitive and proud look on her cute, freckled face. I beckoned her over, and she pointed to her book questioningly. "Look Mrs. L! I found a fancy word for said!" (I am always telling them to keep an eye out for fancy words that authors use, that they can use in their own writer's workshop books.) As I glanced down, Jenny pronounced it for me, "e..jac..ejaculated?" 

  Sure enough. That was the word. Don't worry! It was nothing sexual. Ejaculated was being used in the context of "said" or "replied". What were YOU thinking? Well, I was thinking the same thing. Who uses the word ejaculated in a children's book as a good word for said? I was so surprised in the moment that I still can't recall the sentence; you can imagine though, it went something like, "Run, quickly," ejaculated Mr. so and so. Jenny stood, blinking, waiting to know the meaning. "It means, he shot the words out quickly.Way to go, Jenny!" I responded honestly. What more could I do? She beamed, like she had hit the royal jackpot in word choice. "Wow. Ejaculated...Thanks!" she quipped, and trotted back to her pillow to read more.

  The moment passed, and I briefly considered the possible consequences, but soon I began math and it was a thing of the past. Over the next week my little reader had written her latest book in writer's workshop. Another week, and she had edited and published her book. It was time for author's chair. Jenny was the only student to publish that day, and headed up to the grand author's chair. The rest of the students crowded round her on the mat. I was busy getting my writing notebook to jot notes as she began to present her book. I was enjoying the story, and so were the students. In fact, the room was silent, other than the high-pitched, enthusiastic fifth grade voice reading aloud.

  

  Suddenly, I heard the word. She had used it in her book!? I'm usually a really calm person. But, I had a minor panic attack. Heat rose to my cheeks, and I felt my heart beating against my chest. Boys, boys, boys... All I could think in that moment, was nooooo. It was like slow-motion, eeejacuuuulatttted. It had been said. Several of the boys would be quick to pounce on this. I expected full on nudges, laughs, coughs (insinuating something other than a sore throat); whispers of conspiracy, girls looking around in surprise, wide eyes, wide eyes looking at me, wondering how I would handle this word. Innocent eyes wondering what was going on. And above all, poor Jenny up front reading her word loud and proud. Behold, class, this is my fancy word for said! I had to take control before the tornado hit. I put on my stern face and surveyed the audience, ready to catch the eyes of any mischievous boys before they could stir the pot.

  But you know what? There was nothing. Not a giggle. Not a smirk. Maybe a few suspicious eyebrows went up, but that was it! Amazing. I tried to go back to regular breathing, as Jenny continued, oblivious to my mini meltdown.

  And like that, it was over. PHEW. Parent phone calls and principal meetings averted. Praise God! I could only have imagined. "Hi Mrs. L. This is Jenny's mother. Today in class... ejaculated? Why ever would you teach my little girl such a word?" Word, word, word. My heart had just begun to slow again, and compliments began. (After every author's chair, students raise their hands with compliments for the author. The author picks two compliments, and then picks two more students to ask questions. The students have been taught to give quality compliments, like "I enjoyed your simile when you said... or, you used great voice through your character when he said...etc. So as the author reads their book, students are actively listening for writing to compliment afterward. Once two compliments have been given, the author can choose two more people to ask questions.)

  I scribbled a few more notes in my notebook as the first compliment began. It was Melissa, the petite, blonde sitting cross-legged near the front. She had been waving her hand excitedly and glancing back and forth happily from me to Jenny, me to Jenny. She must of had a good one.

  She's a sweetie pie, and tries really hard; of all the students though, she is far below grade level in reading and writing. Melissa has a hard time formulating her thoughts, and remembering ideas. This makes complimenting the author's chair particularly difficult-- she struggles to remember specifics from the story. So, when she was picked by the student to give her compliment, it was quite the event. Clear as day, she sat right up and announced, "I LOVED your word choice! E...jaculated!" Then she turned toward me, nodding and smiling so big, as if to say, did you hear that Mrs. L?? Did you see that I remembered the really good word choice!?

  Oh man.

  Really??? Of all the words Jenny used in her book, words like plethora, anticipate, shuffled... little ol' Melissa was able to recall ejaculated? And we all know Melissa had no intention of being anything but helpful and kind in her compliment. I had to smile back at her, and give the approving nod. Well done, Melissa. Well done, here we go. Let's rumble.

  If the rest of the class hadn't caught it on the first go round, they sure as day couldn't have missed this compliment, announced boldly for all the world to hear! I braced myself for the worst, and fully expected the principal to walk in to observe my cute author's chair activity. Then I fully expected the principal to ask me why, why Mrs. L, are you teaching our students to use the word ejaculated for said. What standard is that meeting? Would parents really approve of that? Aren't there other words for said that would be more... appropriate, perhaps?

  Despite the pain I was personally experiencing, my students said and did nothing. No reaction whatsoever. What?! Who are these kids and since when do they turn down a moment like this??? This is a miracle, is all I could think. While I continued to dialogue in my head, the next student complimented about sentence fluency or something like that, and that was it. It was time for questions. Compliments were over, and by an act of grace, I had escaped injury free. 

 Students waved their hands for questions. Jenny picked someone, and I closed my writing notebook with relief. Then I heard a snide voice (and to this day I don't know who asked it), "So, Jenny.. what DOES ejaculated mean???"

 Jenny smiled sweetly, and gave me a thumbs up. Thanks Mrs. L. You are the greatest Mrs. L. Let me teach the class all about it.

  "Well," Jenny answered in her all knowing voice, looking at each student with importance, "Ejaculated means to shoot out quickly!!!"

Silence.

"Right, Mrs. L???" All eyes on me.

I teach. I laugh. I have minor panic attacks. Welcome to my world... I hope it brings you laughter too.