Do It Afraid.

When I read, I try to picture everything in my mind line by line. It's a way to stay focused and draw the most meaning out of the words. Sometimes if I don't do that, I can't even recall what I just read. I do this with the Bible too. There's just one difference. When I read the Bible, I am believing every image that it describes, and I am committing it to heart as truth.

SO.
Last night before bed I was watching Acts 8-11 in my mind [reading]. It describes Stephen being stoned to death while a man named Saul stood by giving approval. Saul then goes on a rampage destroying and murdering Christians everywhere. It reads, "Saul was breathing out murderous threats...". (Please note: Saul believed in God. This is why he was so put off by this Jesus Christ claiming he was God.) Then it goes on to describe Saul's astonishing repentance and his decision to believe in and follow Christ. (It might be important to note that Jesus literally spoke to him from the heavens in a booming and authoritative voice, asking why Saul was persecuting him... then he blinded Saul.)

The only reaction it mentions from Saul is that he falls to the ground and asks,  "Who are you, Lord?" Jesus reveals himself to Saul, and gives him specific directions. Saul is still on the ground, shaking in fear, as far as I can tell.

Anyway, in this process, God speaks to another man, Ananias, in a vision, telling him to pray over this man Saul who is now a believer. Ananias, though totally afraid for his life, is obedient. Majorly good things go on to happen.

Then I got to ch.10 where a gentile [non-Jewish] commander in the Roman army is visited by an angel during his prayer time. The angel says something to the effect of, "Cornelius! Your love for God is evident. But there is more for you to know. Send men to retrieve a man named Peter, who will be waiting for you at Simon the Tanner's house in Joppa." The part I pictured was the way it described this obviously strong war hero's reaction: "Cornelius stared at him in fear." (But he did send his men for Peter.) Majorly good things go on to happen for Cornelius, his family, and friends.

What did I learn from my night-time reading? Well, my dog woke me up to go to the bathroom at midnight. As he wandered the yard playing fun night-time games, I stood there in the dark feeling very.. vulnerable. Not to bad guys. Not to wild animals. To God.

I was like, Oh dear.  Is an angel going to appear? I was spying out the shadows, seeing glints from the streetlight, and hearing things in the bushes. I was totally freaked out... that an angel was about to appear and tell me something CRAZY!

I had to laugh this morning. I'll tell you what though. I believe, and I will do it afraid. God isn't just a lovable teddy bear to squeeze when you feel lonely. He is serious business.

(And p.s. I can totally understand why people tried to literally hide from God by changing towns, etc. I turned on the lights and went in the house to feel safer... from God?? lol, really Rachel? A God appearance is intense.) Before you judge me to too harshly, look at these guys!

1. Saul was a powerful, murdering, cocky son of a gun. When God showed up... He cowered in fear on the ground.

2. Ananias was a faithful disciple already following God. Yet his immediate response was, "I am going to be killed. Lord, please nooo!"

3. Cornelius was a revered commander in the Roman army, and a faithful man of God. His response? A 'deer caught in the headlights' look of total fear. 

In the end, no angel visitations for me last night. Just an awesome dream about Disneyland where I had to solve a mystery. It was amazing.

Take God at His word. 

And when you feel afraid, you're in good company.