Cleaning the Closet

We got new carpet in our house! Yay! It was so inspiring to see clean floors that I decided to organize our closet! Haha That turned into a good hour spent sitting on the floor reading through my collection of journals. They start in 3rd grade, and those are hilarious. Apparently pretty girls are the ones that can run fast. And I was life-alteringly embarrassed about asking my parents to get my ears pierced. I can't believe how boy crazy I was either! That led me to wonder if Joe and I will have a baby girl, and how in the world will we raise her to find security and confidence in Christ... and that led me to think how I found my confidence in Christ, and that was through the hardest tests of my life thus far. And on that note, I stopped reading my journals, and began to pray feverishly for Joe and I as parents! Hahaha. Oh my, girls are tough. Carry on all you parents of young ladies!

Anyway, after prayer intermission, I kept reading random passages all the way up through adulthood, and I came across those hard times in my life. When I began to read them, my throat started to feel constricted and my face got warm. It was hard to read; it stirred up bitter memories and pain. I considered throwing those pages away, actually several times. I could have sat there and cried for a long time. To my surprise (and probably yours too :), I didn't. Instead, my mind wandered to where I am now and kind of reflected on the process in between. And... then I cried, but out of gratitude.

It was a very humbling moment while "cleaning" the closet.

It's hard to put into words, but I think it's important to note this for myself, and as I prepare to be a mommy. When I wrote those journal pages, I remember being absolutely naive. And for the first 18 years of my life, I don't recall ever being in a situation where I was bullied, treated unfairly, or hurt on purpose. Is that uncommon? Maybe so. I did well in school, had a good job, had a trustworthy best friend... my formula was pretty simple: follow the rules, work hard, be kind and be around others that are kind. Ta-da! No troubles. Then, somehow, like magic- I turned 18 and things changed.

First, I started dating. That was a process in itself. Then, far more difficult, I met people that gossiped about me for no reason, and purposely would go out of their way to hurt me. I was in shock. What was wrong with these people? And where was this God I'd always believed in?? Between malicious people and dating.. I turned to God like I hadn't before. I wanted to know what he had to say now, not just that he was real. And, I heard God very clearly. I know many people probably doubt that is true or don't understand that. But it was during that time, God taught me something totally new and my relationship with him began.The first word I heard from him was concerning whether he was real, and concerning the validity of the Bible as I considered other religions with an open mind. That is a story for another time. But, in the midst of my world revolting against me, I heard this:

Luke 6:32-36
³² “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. ³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

That passage threw me for a loop. I believed that it was right to love every person no matter their color, nationality, or religion. But, if they treated you poorly, especially repeatedly, to leave them be, and move on with your life. (Also, it was then OK to therapeutically tell your family & friends horror stories about these enemies so they can side with you.) Good riddance. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved people. As long as they were nice back, or at least neutral.

But this Bible passage was different. I'd never had enemies until this point in my life, and now God told me to: be merciful, love them, do good to them, and lend to them without EVER expecting to get anything back.

WHAT?! To make a long story short, every time these people hurt or betrayed me, I'd go to my journal and write prayers for them. I also prayed desperately for God to help me love them, forgive them, and most of all, for God to protect me from harm. I didn't trust the people in the least bit. And more often that not, I felt fake, as I prayed and prayed for them. I didn't like them. In fact, I wanted to get as far away from them as possible!!!!! I also told God all about what they said or did to me, since I was trying hard not to go to my friends and family to talk about my enemies. It only made it harder for me to forgive them when I drudged it up again and again with friends & family. So, God became my best friend and guide. He still is! Love him!

As I said earlier, after re-reading those parts of my journals, remembering the pain of that time, my mind wandered to where I am now.

DATING: At the time of journaling regarding guys, God taught me to hate sin, and to pray for the man I wanted to meet. That's the only thing that guided me in ending my dating experiences- don't choose a partner that is accepting of sin, particularly sexual sin. (Note: I wasn't looking for someone who didn't sin, but someone who wanted to listen to God.) When things began to get physical with a guy I was dating, we'd end up having the sex talk, about how I didn't want to be intimate in a dating relationship. Then in time, it'd become clear, that whether the guy said he agreed or not (they always said they agreed), he really was just agreeing with me... and I certainly wasn't strong enough to be the only one in the relationship committed to a godly life. So that ended every relationship, slowly but surely. When I met Joe, I can tell you clear as day when I knew he was the man I wanted to go through life with. One night, we talked about sexual sin and he cried. Hard. I knew exactly why he was crying, because I had felt that same remorse many times. It was the knowing that you had wronged God when he'd already taught you what was right. From that day forward, Joe and I joined forces to follow God together, to support each other, pray for each other, and be honest with each other. I thank God for his grace in that time of my life where I was dating ungodly men, and for how God showed me how to do what I longed to do in my heart...yet felt powerless to do on my own. I am absolutely blessed... our marriage is a joy and a reminder of God's goodness. Joe is the most faithful, honest, giving, kind, compassionate, dedicated man.
*We were, and are, far from the example of holiness. That isn't the point of this paragraph. The point is that Joe is a man who struggles against ungodliness, rather than defends it. That's the kind of woman I am, and that's how I knew he was someone I could trust to be a real friend and lifelong companion.

LOVING THY ENEMIES: God somehow by his grace has made it possible for me to genuinely love my enemies. I don't understand it. All I know is he is merciful to the unkind and wicked, and through me having enemies, he has shown me what his love is like. I guess what's the weirdest thing about this part of God is that he gave that love to me. I didn't have to muster it up myself. I tried that, and it wasn't happening. Looking back, I can see that the process was to pray and listen to his guidance. He opened times to say a kind word here, to be merciful there, to give a hand. AND, for a long time I felt so fake doing this. I did NOT like the people I was doing this for. But, I loved God and I trusted God. So I spent a lot of time repenting because I'd still say ugly things about these people behind their backs. Even today, many years later, things will slip out of my mouth about them that I know are wrong. But I kept trying, and I didn't kick them to the curb like I really wanted to do, and lo and behold... here I am, today, and I can genuinely say I love them. I have compassion for them, I care about them, and I give willingly to them. I even WANT to do good to them.That's a miracle.

Most of these people haven't changed. They say and do ugly things that make me cringe and really, make me disgusted. I talk to God about it. ;) He tells me not to focus on their actions, but on his word, like in Luke 6 (quoted above)- to love. I don't consider these people friends or people I trust to be there for me. I don't expect anything from them. I know who gives me everything I need. :) And he does.

So, don't doubt God. Do what he says, and when you can't, pray that he would help you and change you. I know that I am a blessed woman. I also know that I owe the good things in my life to my Father in heaven. There isn't an iota of credit to my name, and that's kind of sad for part of me-- like, jeez. I suck. (I have journal pages dedicated to how depressed I was when I realized I sucked.) But, then, it's like a glorious awakening, that with faith in God, I am able to do all things. Everything he says is trustworthy, and for those that love him..really love him.. he works all things for their good.

Those are promises that have unfolded in my life. I love him more than anything. I hope it encourages you, too, that in times of hardship, you are not alone. When the world is against you, someone greater can be for you, if you want.

Instead of dwelling on who wronged you or how messed up thing are...
 "Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Ghandi

Because,
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -MLK Jr.

Shine love, forgiveness, and mercy when no one else will-- not because you're the "better person," but because God does it for you every day. There's no better way to understand and appreciate Him than to humbly bow down and serve, knowing He has been serving you and is always with you.

I care more about what God thinks than what anyone else thinks, or what I think. Some say it's ignorant not to use my intellect to try and reason what is right or wrong-- I've found that intellect is not than intelligent. 

Others say it's unloving to care more about what God thinks, than what they think-- I've found that there is no more honest, satisfying, and powerful love than His.

We people can be ugly. The world has many wrongs. Tragedies happen that tear the heart to pieces. We can see these and genuinely cry, or scream, or feel defeated-- grieving the pains around us is natural and develops empathy as well as strength. But to stay in that place of sadness, anger, or defeat is to turn off the light in the darkness of night. You can rage and rage, or cry endlessly, or moan in agony about the defeat until the end of your days-- and at best, lose your sight; at worst, cause others to stumble and turn their light off too.

 So I pick myself up and trust that God is who He says He is, and nothing can take that away. As one of Jesus' disciples said, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13

I absolutely agree.

Grace is My Favorite Part of God These Days

"The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us." -- C.S. Lewis

I saw this quote from C.S. Lewis the other day and thought it was meaningful, especially to my stage of life right now. I've experienced a lot of breakthrough's recently. To the onlooker they may appear insignificant, but for me, absolute miracles! Relationships mended, freedom from sins that have tangled me for a long time, changes in my thinking, healthy habits I longed for... just lots of amazing things. 

Let it be said that since childhood I have labored to conquer imperfection. I'm goal oriented. ;) Yet, imperfection clung around like a sea urchin on a rock in a storm. I have journal pages of goals, then remorse, and I definitely came to understand the feeling of 'not-good-enough-ness'. With that came more striving and goal setting... and the cycle continued. While goals are good and well, they don't produce lasting peace. Ultimately it has been the inability to produce enough perfection that led me to the realization I cherish today: I am weak. 

BUT HE IS STRONG!

 It reminds me of a children's song from summer vacation bible schools. You may have heard it. The lyrics went like, "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong, we are weak, but he is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so." (If you haven't heard this relic, worry not-- here ya go!)

 

 Such a simple song, haha, but apparently the lyrics took a few years to hit home. 

Anyway, I have experienced more gratitude in the year 2013 than in all the years prior. I believe it's because of this teaching in 2Corinthians 12:9. The disciple Paul was originally Saul, a devout, highly respected Jew with all his ducks in a row and much of which to boast- the best education, family ties, religious ranking. Not to mention, goal-oriented and driven... until the day came that Jesus told Saul he had it all wrong. With new name, Paul placed his faith in Jesus Christ, and started serving Christ. He brought much knowledge and passion to the table. But he eventually faced a problem that was insurmountable. It just stuck around... yep, like a sea urchin clinging to a rock in a storm. Sound like something/someone in your life? After repeatedly asking God to help him, Paul tells of God's reply:

2Corinthians 12:9

⁹ But he [Jesus] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

And Paul immediately sees the situation differently:

Therefore I [Paul] will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 

 When I would be having a difficult time with something or someone, my mom would say, "Rachel, you're trying to do it in your own strength! Just give it to God." That was annoying. I was like, Mom?! I AM praying for God to help me! But in certain matters, despite my best efforts, the trouble remained. What I didn't get, was that I was praying that God would give me more strength, give me more wisdom, give me more success, give me more. I failed to grasp that God was already strong enough, wise enough, and helpful enough for my circumstances. He didn't need me fixed or the people changed to accomplish good, he just needed me to know him and rely on him in every circumstance. If you look back at that verse from 2Corinthians 12:9, it is all about what God has and is-- not what we are and need.

I'm not saying the prayer for wisdom, for strength, for peace, etc. is wrong. But in my case, I was hung up on seeking God's blessings on my plan-- not about knowing, enjoying, or relying on the Almighty God.

Praise God that the day came..actually days... where I broke down and listened to God, like Paul did. All my plans suddenly felt insignificant and futile. Which led me to, for the the first time ever, question my purpose. If my plan wasn't about becoming an amazing teacher, daughter, wife, friend, Christian.... what was I? I suddenly lacked purpose and vision in the career that I'd been passionate about since I was a child. I even questioned why God created me. These were the glorious musings I had as it dawned on me that life in Christ wasn't about awesome me & my awesome dreams. 

  And so I quit my career.

With all those years of striving & dreaming & passionately pursuing goals under my belt, I automatically thought God led me out of one career to replace it with a more influential career. Instead, about a month or two after leaving, I was flooded with grace.  I wish I could explain what happened in my heart-- and then in my life. Grace is my favorite part of God these days. 

  It's like all the burdens and weight I was carrying was lifted. It almost feels wrong to be so full of joy. Like, why me? Why now? Idk. Guess that post will have to be for another day when God sheds light on that topic.

  And the new [only] goal? To enjoy the Almighty God, to know him, hear him, and act when he leads me to act. That said, the mountains in my life are now mole hills. Personal habits I'd prayed over for years are suddenly natural for me. (Crazy.) Problems & people that broke me down are blessings-- and here's the kicker, they didn't change at all. So, I know who is doing it... I mean, these were all things I wasn't able to do myself. That's what's been amazing about this season of grace.  I have his peace over my head, and I'm taking joy in trials nowadays. When I do struggle it doesn't really relate to my circumstances-- I forget who my God is, and I revert to trying to take care of myself. I wonder if that is true of us all?

Clearly, I don't know the steps to solving sea-urchin-like problems. If I did, shoot, I would have followed them years ago. Instead, what I found, is that the grace of God, in sending his son to die on the cross as a blameless lamb, has already provided everything we each need.

  Faith in God, a relationship with Jesus Christ, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

 So, it's a pretty simple plan. Every time you feel that stirring to do something about your situation-- to change this, fix that, start this, end that.... do the opposite, listen.

Talk to God. Read the Bible. He'll direct your paths.

In Christ, he promises life, freedom, and peace. Provision, protection, and health. 

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

Because, friend, didn't you watch the video?? Jesus Loves You, This I Know. 

Some great reading to go along: 

Matthew 6: 25-33

 Proverbs 3 

A Rare Person

"It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear." -Dicket Cavett

 Something I keep remembering is how in Nelson Mandela's autobiography he said he had to keep it secret that he was having talks with the white government. It wasn't the secret that was so significant to me, but more so what led him to take that step.

Nelson describes his friends who had been imprisoned with him for decades. They were comrades in the ANC (African National Congress), a liberation movement for political change to eradicate apartheid. These friends struggled immensely together, often their allegiance to each other was the only hope that kept them alive. They were one in mind, operating not on their own initiative, but always consulting with one another for the betterment of their cause. The ANC's main goal was to create a united, non-racial, non-sexist and democratic society in South Africa. Nelson Mandela and his friends in the ANC were committed to the point of death, so you can imagine that their bond went beyond "friend."

Here's where it gets interesting:
Nelson describes how in time he began to see that the ANC's distrust of the white government was a great stumbling block towards the change they fought to accomplish. Yet it was also what had brought them together. Nelson himself was distrusting of whites to the point that he didn't even support the ANC's goal of a nonracial democracy for a long time. He, like many others, wanted the white government permanently out of power. He wanted the white people to leave the country or at a minimum be ruled by the real Africans. His views were not unfounded. The white government had unfairly imprisoned many black leaders for life, killed or crippled their families, lied, forbid blacks from education and then called them incompetent, passed laws to unfairly prohibit them from owning property, etc. etc. etc. Despite the valid reasons for total distrust of white South Africans,  his views of whites in general changed throughout his years in prison; he began to talk to them and in turn learn that many whites in his country were open and even willing to change their views. As he spoke more, the white community began to see him differently-- they began to respect him and even help him at times. It dawned on Nelson that he would have to work with the white government to achieve the democracy the ANC hoped for. He knew he had to keep this secret from the ANC, for the first time in his life, because his friends would argue that he was being weak, giving in, and forcing their cause backwards.

 Meanwhile the white government feared not just loss of power, but a violent coup if the ANC was given their way; so they were opposed to even recognizing the ANC. Not to mention the white government held little regard for the intelligence of a 'black man'. Therefore the majority of black ANC members feared that compromising with white officials would only communicate that they were, as most whites proclaimed, weak and inferior. All that was left was violence and war, as their peaceful requests to be heard had fallen on deaf ears.They began to train soldiers and prepare for attack.

Was either group willing to risk compromise? No. They didn't want to hear what was necessary to accomplish their goal if it meant loss of pride.

Except Mandela. While in solitary confinement, he decided to meet secretly with the president. He was the one to write and ask to meet with the man who had flat out refused, rejected, and looked down upon him.It took many efforts, but the president ultimately conceded. Despite being repeatedly belittled in the meetings, suffering many disappointments, betrayals, and lies, Nelson continued to meet with the president. Did he like the man? No. Did his friends point out every time the president went back on his word-- how naive Nelson was being? YES. But Nelson went beyond himself and the circumstances to seek peace for his nation, to bring about democracy. He was relentless in seeking peace and freedom for South Africa. He was a man of great faith.

I find this part of his life story unbelievable, and it reminds me of Jesus. Nelson was an innocent man in prison from 1962 to 1990! Forced to leave his wife, children, and aging mother to fend poorly for themselves. Can you imagine that? How bitter one would be to the government and people who unfairly stole those 28 years! After all the abuse and sickness in prison, he emerged full of hope. He didn't focus on the past, but the future at all costs. He had to. It was that, or defeat. And four years later, after his release, he was elected president... at the age of 76!!! After being crucified on the cross, Jesus prayed aloud, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." They KNEW they were killing him; Jesus had valid reasons for crying, send them to hell! But he was relentless in carrying out God's plan for peace and freedom of mankind.

It may be difficult to fight for what's right, but it's a rare person who humbles himself beyond recognition to act justly, while loving mercy, and all the time walking humbly with God.

Act justly, LOVE mercy, and walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

Not Forgotten 

The Watoto Children's Choir is an African children's choir out of Uganda. Watoto means "children" in Swahili, and the choir is made up of children that lost parents to the AIDS epidemic or to war. I think they are the most beautiful choir. They sing a song by artist Israel Houghton called "Not Forgotten". [click orange link above] The kids are so thankful and happy in spite of their losses. Do you ever feel abandoned? 

You are not forgotten!

Psalm 68:5  A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.

There are so many without families, and many more with families that are addicted or absent from the home for some reason. There is much reason to despair when considering the trouble in our world, but we are not forgotten. God knows our name, and therefore I do not despair. But instead, I put my hope in him.

In my neighborhood, there were bad things going on. My neighbors across the street had just escaped from a Phoenix ghetto, where literally their car had bullet holes throughout it. My neighbors on the other side of the street consisted of a grandma, her adult son, and his own son. The boy's mom was in prison, and I remember one day the boy found his dad dead in bed. I never heard if it was alcohol, drugs, or what. It was just sad. The neighbors a few houses down were supported by Indian Reservation funds until their house burnt down. And a few houses down from there was a home for foster kids. I remember when the SWAT team staged a drug bust in our cul de sac, and how my brother described the drug ring that his friends ran. You'd see cars come and go from that house all night long. My brother describes the crips and bloods showing up, and how they'd only talk to him when dealing because he wasn't a member of either gang. Some of those friends robbed our house and they'd beat each other just to 'toughen up'. I remember one of his friends took care of his mom, who was dying because of her meth addiction. She was his only parent. Another of his friends accidentally shot himself with his parent's gun. Another one hit and killed an elderly man with his car, sending the boy to prison. This is only a snippet of stories from a single neighborhood among millions.

In my house, we had our own dynamics. Addiction, anger, financial strife. Typical things of our neighborhood. There are a few memories from childhood that are seared into my brain, and one was of chasing my brother. He is two years younger than me. Unlike me, he made friends in our neighborhood. There were a lot of boys on the streets at all hours, and they got into trouble early on. My brother's story of the first time he smoked pot is really heart wrenching. And how that led to meth, heroine, homelessness, dealing, stealing, etc. etc. etc. I remember being home and realizing that my brother was going to go do something bad. I was crying and begging him not to go, but he was so cold. I am not lying when I tell you that his eyes were like stone, so dead. It was frightening. He shoved me out of the way, and went out the door. I was desperate for him not to leave, and was afraid he would die. I chased him down the street, screaming and crying for him not to go, but he hopped a fence to try and lose me. I got the car and tried to follow him, but eventually he crossed the main road into these apartment complexes and I lost him. I remember just sitting there in the car, devastated that there was nothing I could do.

That day I felt like I lost him forever. [I didn't. Thank you God.] The weird thing was that I never saw myself as a victim or felt like I wouldn't make it. I believed God that I would.

The other day I was at a Christian leadership training with hundreds of other people when I ran into a woman that used to live in my neighborhood. She and her family moved out, but I remembered her because she took me to church a few times and even got me to go to a church camp. When the lady realized who I was, you should have seen the shock in her face! She stumbled over her words, saying something like, "You? You don't go to chur--" and she kinda' stopped herself. I'm pretty sure I know what she was thinking. She was surprised I was at a church function, married, a teacher of four years, and happy.

Her reaction was so weird. I always saw myself as the person that I am today. But I wonder what she thought of me, back in those days when I lived in the hood with a brother on the streets, a father who yelled loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, and a house that wreaked of illegal substances. I have to laugh. It's true. Who would have guessed?

This is my story of hope. There are many, many good things God did throughout my childhood. Vacation bible schools my mom put me in, special friends he gave me, loving neighbors, teachers, extended family, a home in Northern Arizona for a few years, and much more. So please don't get the wrong impression. I was always blessed and I don't consider those hardships to even be worth mentioning, other than that sometimes things need to be shared.

I have journals filled with prayers written in childish scrawl to a God I knew was there, though I didn't know who he was. The miracle is that I was not forgotten. God led me to salvation in Jesus Christ. There are far greater miracles and impressive stories out there. There are many who explain Him in a grander way, but I can at least tell you that my heart beats for Him. I pray today that God makes it so obvious to you that you are not forgotten, and that He is there for you, too.

  This graffiti art is from my old neighborhood corner. A picture is worth a 1,000 words.

Psalm 139 [click me]

IF there is a God,  and IF He really did create such insane laws in the Bible... WHY?   (insert echo effect)
  One of my strongest memories of my dad is how he would never help me. Not in the way I wanted. When the computer froze and I had to finish my report for middle school, he gruffly said, "Rachel, figure it out." He didn't even say it nicely! I cried, but he became meaner.
When something was hard for me, he would look me in the eye, and say, "No one is going to solve your problems for you. You have to find out the answers yourself. Stop looking to other people."   As a child, that was infuriating. I just wanted HELP! My dad's parents surrendered their parental rights and made him a ward of the state when he was a teen. He was on his own for some really formative years of his life, and it reaffirmed in him a hard, unrelenting sense of, "I'm on my own." But out of that experience, I think I would not be speaking out of turn when I say that his greatest desire for his kids was for them to be able to stand up on their own two feet. To celebrate failure and success on our own terms without someone dictating what is right or wrong. That's probably why we didn't go to church, or anything else that conventionally grouped people together. And yet, sometimes, under his shirt, my dad would wear a cross.    To this day, I don't understand it all. But I don't have to, to love him. 
Today, I honor something he taught me through those rough moments. He taught me to think for myself. Most people wouldn't look at me and say that I'm a 'tough' person. I cry at loving gestures, at heartbreaking stories, when a friend leaves, when I'm mad... all the way down to, well, sappy commercials. I also smile a lot. And, I love, love, love seeing people feel good. I hate hurting people's feelings. Heck, last night I apologized to the cricket in the bathroom when I squished him because I couldn't keep him still long enough to get him outside. [Thank you, Mom.]   But I am strong in mind and heart. [Thank you, Dad.]   Dad kept slamming the door in my face, I think, in hopes that it would shake me from that follower way of thinking. It was a tough way to learn a lesson, but he could be a tough guy.  And, such is life, right? A tough guy.
  People respond to life in weird ways. Some of us don't want to conform so we join the rebels. (Isn't that ironic?) When you stick it to man, stick it to religion, and stick it to conformers, you feel different.   We're not that different.    And on the flip side, some of us are so close minded that we wouldn't for a second consider that we might be..shhhh.. wrong.  We are so proud of what we know, and hate whatever threatens that. We think we're different.  We're not that different.     Truth is paramount for me these days. Truth is not relative. How then could it be truth? It would be perspective. Truth is black and white.

truth/tro͞oTH/

Noun:

The quality or state of being true: "the truth of her accusation". That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality: "tell me the truth".

fact/fakt/

Noun:

A thing that is indisputably the case. Information used as evidence or as part of a report or news article.

  (Disclaimer: I do not always know what the truth is. I am the rebel and the close-minded fool  in a beautiful combination of human-ness if I must say so myself. I've got both wonderful strengths going for me. ;)   So, in terms of God. There has been a lot of hubbub lately about the Biblical law declaring homosexual activity as sin. It causes a lot of people to point fingers at Biblical laws and say-- seriously? You really accept that as truth?  Others' responses include some interesting gestures [not just the middle finger].

• Some excuse the Bible, asking forgiveness for its errors, saying it's translated wrong in parts.
• Others say the Bible is out of date, creating a mish-mash of what sounds right to them. Being tolerant or even accepting of varying viewpoints to cohabitation on our planet.
  
• And some opt out. No thanks. How about another religion, science, or philosophy instead?
  

One has to admit: If you say any of the three above, you conflict with many verses in the Bible. It claims it is the word of the one and only God, the truth, useful for all training, and perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Without faith in its message of unearned salvation, the result is an eternity in hell.
 If you lean towards a version of one of the bulleted responses, you don't really believe the claims above. So before going there, one who authentically wants to find out if the Bible is the truth, [despite personal misgivings, to put it lightly], would have to ask...   IF there is a God,  and IF He is the God of the Bible, Then,
WHY?

And that is a very honest [and possibly frightening] place to be.  Examine the Bible in its fullness with a careful eye. careful heart. careful, questioning prayer.
Acts 13 is interesting. It sums up the history of how God has moved, and towards the end says, "Through him everyone who believes is set free from every sin, a justification you were not able to obtain under the law of Moses."   After reading the book of Romans, and combined with the above [among super many others] it becomes apparent that: While the law reveals sin, it does not provide a means to overcome it. (As some say.. laws were meant for breaking. Didn't God know these laws wouldn't work for us?...wait a second, did he? And if he did, and he still included the laws...) They must be necessary; for if we can't see sin, or think we can achieve the commands set out in the Old Testament, how can anyone find genuine value in God's redemption through Jesus Christ?  You might, might, might just not understand the law. There are a LOT of people coming up with some interesting responses w/o ever considering the Bible. It's possible they don't want to take the time; they find themselves very educated and appraise or create truth instead; they listen to what someone else tells them.  But they're just people.  In the vastness of that giant Bible God says that the law is both just and impossible to meet; not that it's useless.
He says the law is perfect. It's just that... as He so nicely puts it... we forever fall short. Whether we try super hard or not at all.  We fail. So, Jesus Christ saves and redeems, showing no favoritism.  THAT is a true story for Jews and Gentiles alike.  To me, that is amazing news on this Friday.

Do It Afraid.

When I read, I try to picture everything in my mind line by line. It's a way to stay focused and draw the most meaning out of the words. Sometimes if I don't do that, I can't even recall what I just read. I do this with the Bible too. There's just one difference. When I read the Bible, I am believing every image that it describes, and I am committing it to heart as truth.

SO.
Last night before bed I was watching Acts 8-11 in my mind [reading]. It describes Stephen being stoned to death while a man named Saul stood by giving approval. Saul then goes on a rampage destroying and murdering Christians everywhere. It reads, "Saul was breathing out murderous threats...". (Please note: Saul believed in God. This is why he was so put off by this Jesus Christ claiming he was God.) Then it goes on to describe Saul's astonishing repentance and his decision to believe in and follow Christ. (It might be important to note that Jesus literally spoke to him from the heavens in a booming and authoritative voice, asking why Saul was persecuting him... then he blinded Saul.)

The only reaction it mentions from Saul is that he falls to the ground and asks,  "Who are you, Lord?" Jesus reveals himself to Saul, and gives him specific directions. Saul is still on the ground, shaking in fear, as far as I can tell.

Anyway, in this process, God speaks to another man, Ananias, in a vision, telling him to pray over this man Saul who is now a believer. Ananias, though totally afraid for his life, is obedient. Majorly good things go on to happen.

Then I got to ch.10 where a gentile [non-Jewish] commander in the Roman army is visited by an angel during his prayer time. The angel says something to the effect of, "Cornelius! Your love for God is evident. But there is more for you to know. Send men to retrieve a man named Peter, who will be waiting for you at Simon the Tanner's house in Joppa." The part I pictured was the way it described this obviously strong war hero's reaction: "Cornelius stared at him in fear." (But he did send his men for Peter.) Majorly good things go on to happen for Cornelius, his family, and friends.

What did I learn from my night-time reading? Well, my dog woke me up to go to the bathroom at midnight. As he wandered the yard playing fun night-time games, I stood there in the dark feeling very.. vulnerable. Not to bad guys. Not to wild animals. To God.

I was like, Oh dear.  Is an angel going to appear? I was spying out the shadows, seeing glints from the streetlight, and hearing things in the bushes. I was totally freaked out... that an angel was about to appear and tell me something CRAZY!

I had to laugh this morning. I'll tell you what though. I believe, and I will do it afraid. God isn't just a lovable teddy bear to squeeze when you feel lonely. He is serious business.

(And p.s. I can totally understand why people tried to literally hide from God by changing towns, etc. I turned on the lights and went in the house to feel safer... from God?? lol, really Rachel? A God appearance is intense.) Before you judge me to too harshly, look at these guys!

1. Saul was a powerful, murdering, cocky son of a gun. When God showed up... He cowered in fear on the ground.

2. Ananias was a faithful disciple already following God. Yet his immediate response was, "I am going to be killed. Lord, please nooo!"

3. Cornelius was a revered commander in the Roman army, and a faithful man of God. His response? A 'deer caught in the headlights' look of total fear. 

In the end, no angel visitations for me last night. Just an awesome dream about Disneyland where I had to solve a mystery. It was amazing.

Take God at His word. 

And when you feel afraid, you're in good company.