A Rare Person

"It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear." -Dicket Cavett

 Something I keep remembering is how in Nelson Mandela's autobiography he said he had to keep it secret that he was having talks with the white government. It wasn't the secret that was so significant to me, but more so what led him to take that step.

Nelson describes his friends who had been imprisoned with him for decades. They were comrades in the ANC (African National Congress), a liberation movement for political change to eradicate apartheid. These friends struggled immensely together, often their allegiance to each other was the only hope that kept them alive. They were one in mind, operating not on their own initiative, but always consulting with one another for the betterment of their cause. The ANC's main goal was to create a united, non-racial, non-sexist and democratic society in South Africa. Nelson Mandela and his friends in the ANC were committed to the point of death, so you can imagine that their bond went beyond "friend."

Here's where it gets interesting:
Nelson describes how in time he began to see that the ANC's distrust of the white government was a great stumbling block towards the change they fought to accomplish. Yet it was also what had brought them together. Nelson himself was distrusting of whites to the point that he didn't even support the ANC's goal of a nonracial democracy for a long time. He, like many others, wanted the white government permanently out of power. He wanted the white people to leave the country or at a minimum be ruled by the real Africans. His views were not unfounded. The white government had unfairly imprisoned many black leaders for life, killed or crippled their families, lied, forbid blacks from education and then called them incompetent, passed laws to unfairly prohibit them from owning property, etc. etc. etc. Despite the valid reasons for total distrust of white South Africans,  his views of whites in general changed throughout his years in prison; he began to talk to them and in turn learn that many whites in his country were open and even willing to change their views. As he spoke more, the white community began to see him differently-- they began to respect him and even help him at times. It dawned on Nelson that he would have to work with the white government to achieve the democracy the ANC hoped for. He knew he had to keep this secret from the ANC, for the first time in his life, because his friends would argue that he was being weak, giving in, and forcing their cause backwards.

 Meanwhile the white government feared not just loss of power, but a violent coup if the ANC was given their way; so they were opposed to even recognizing the ANC. Not to mention the white government held little regard for the intelligence of a 'black man'. Therefore the majority of black ANC members feared that compromising with white officials would only communicate that they were, as most whites proclaimed, weak and inferior. All that was left was violence and war, as their peaceful requests to be heard had fallen on deaf ears.They began to train soldiers and prepare for attack.

Was either group willing to risk compromise? No. They didn't want to hear what was necessary to accomplish their goal if it meant loss of pride.

Except Mandela. While in solitary confinement, he decided to meet secretly with the president. He was the one to write and ask to meet with the man who had flat out refused, rejected, and looked down upon him.It took many efforts, but the president ultimately conceded. Despite being repeatedly belittled in the meetings, suffering many disappointments, betrayals, and lies, Nelson continued to meet with the president. Did he like the man? No. Did his friends point out every time the president went back on his word-- how naive Nelson was being? YES. But Nelson went beyond himself and the circumstances to seek peace for his nation, to bring about democracy. He was relentless in seeking peace and freedom for South Africa. He was a man of great faith.

I find this part of his life story unbelievable, and it reminds me of Jesus. Nelson was an innocent man in prison from 1962 to 1990! Forced to leave his wife, children, and aging mother to fend poorly for themselves. Can you imagine that? How bitter one would be to the government and people who unfairly stole those 28 years! After all the abuse and sickness in prison, he emerged full of hope. He didn't focus on the past, but the future at all costs. He had to. It was that, or defeat. And four years later, after his release, he was elected president... at the age of 76!!! After being crucified on the cross, Jesus prayed aloud, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." They KNEW they were killing him; Jesus had valid reasons for crying, send them to hell! But he was relentless in carrying out God's plan for peace and freedom of mankind.

It may be difficult to fight for what's right, but it's a rare person who humbles himself beyond recognition to act justly, while loving mercy, and all the time walking humbly with God.

Act justly, LOVE mercy, and walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

Not Forgotten 

The Watoto Children's Choir is an African children's choir out of Uganda. Watoto means "children" in Swahili, and the choir is made up of children that lost parents to the AIDS epidemic or to war. I think they are the most beautiful choir. They sing a song by artist Israel Houghton called "Not Forgotten". [click orange link above] The kids are so thankful and happy in spite of their losses. Do you ever feel abandoned? 

You are not forgotten!

Psalm 68:5  A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.

There are so many without families, and many more with families that are addicted or absent from the home for some reason. There is much reason to despair when considering the trouble in our world, but we are not forgotten. God knows our name, and therefore I do not despair. But instead, I put my hope in him.

In my neighborhood, there were bad things going on. My neighbors across the street had just escaped from a Phoenix ghetto, where literally their car had bullet holes throughout it. My neighbors on the other side of the street consisted of a grandma, her adult son, and his own son. The boy's mom was in prison, and I remember one day the boy found his dad dead in bed. I never heard if it was alcohol, drugs, or what. It was just sad. The neighbors a few houses down were supported by Indian Reservation funds until their house burnt down. And a few houses down from there was a home for foster kids. I remember when the SWAT team staged a drug bust in our cul de sac, and how my brother described the drug ring that his friends ran. You'd see cars come and go from that house all night long. My brother describes the crips and bloods showing up, and how they'd only talk to him when dealing because he wasn't a member of either gang. Some of those friends robbed our house and they'd beat each other just to 'toughen up'. I remember one of his friends took care of his mom, who was dying because of her meth addiction. She was his only parent. Another of his friends accidentally shot himself with his parent's gun. Another one hit and killed an elderly man with his car, sending the boy to prison. This is only a snippet of stories from a single neighborhood among millions.

In my house, we had our own dynamics. Addiction, anger, financial strife. Typical things of our neighborhood. There are a few memories from childhood that are seared into my brain, and one was of chasing my brother. He is two years younger than me. Unlike me, he made friends in our neighborhood. There were a lot of boys on the streets at all hours, and they got into trouble early on. My brother's story of the first time he smoked pot is really heart wrenching. And how that led to meth, heroine, homelessness, dealing, stealing, etc. etc. etc. I remember being home and realizing that my brother was going to go do something bad. I was crying and begging him not to go, but he was so cold. I am not lying when I tell you that his eyes were like stone, so dead. It was frightening. He shoved me out of the way, and went out the door. I was desperate for him not to leave, and was afraid he would die. I chased him down the street, screaming and crying for him not to go, but he hopped a fence to try and lose me. I got the car and tried to follow him, but eventually he crossed the main road into these apartment complexes and I lost him. I remember just sitting there in the car, devastated that there was nothing I could do.

That day I felt like I lost him forever. [I didn't. Thank you God.] The weird thing was that I never saw myself as a victim or felt like I wouldn't make it. I believed God that I would.

The other day I was at a Christian leadership training with hundreds of other people when I ran into a woman that used to live in my neighborhood. She and her family moved out, but I remembered her because she took me to church a few times and even got me to go to a church camp. When the lady realized who I was, you should have seen the shock in her face! She stumbled over her words, saying something like, "You? You don't go to chur--" and she kinda' stopped herself. I'm pretty sure I know what she was thinking. She was surprised I was at a church function, married, a teacher of four years, and happy.

Her reaction was so weird. I always saw myself as the person that I am today. But I wonder what she thought of me, back in those days when I lived in the hood with a brother on the streets, a father who yelled loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, and a house that wreaked of illegal substances. I have to laugh. It's true. Who would have guessed?

This is my story of hope. There are many, many good things God did throughout my childhood. Vacation bible schools my mom put me in, special friends he gave me, loving neighbors, teachers, extended family, a home in Northern Arizona for a few years, and much more. So please don't get the wrong impression. I was always blessed and I don't consider those hardships to even be worth mentioning, other than that sometimes things need to be shared.

I have journals filled with prayers written in childish scrawl to a God I knew was there, though I didn't know who he was. The miracle is that I was not forgotten. God led me to salvation in Jesus Christ. There are far greater miracles and impressive stories out there. There are many who explain Him in a grander way, but I can at least tell you that my heart beats for Him. I pray today that God makes it so obvious to you that you are not forgotten, and that He is there for you, too.

  This graffiti art is from my old neighborhood corner. A picture is worth a 1,000 words.

Psalm 139 [click me]

IF there is a God,  and IF He really did create such insane laws in the Bible... WHY?   (insert echo effect)
  One of my strongest memories of my dad is how he would never help me. Not in the way I wanted. When the computer froze and I had to finish my report for middle school, he gruffly said, "Rachel, figure it out." He didn't even say it nicely! I cried, but he became meaner.
When something was hard for me, he would look me in the eye, and say, "No one is going to solve your problems for you. You have to find out the answers yourself. Stop looking to other people."   As a child, that was infuriating. I just wanted HELP! My dad's parents surrendered their parental rights and made him a ward of the state when he was a teen. He was on his own for some really formative years of his life, and it reaffirmed in him a hard, unrelenting sense of, "I'm on my own." But out of that experience, I think I would not be speaking out of turn when I say that his greatest desire for his kids was for them to be able to stand up on their own two feet. To celebrate failure and success on our own terms without someone dictating what is right or wrong. That's probably why we didn't go to church, or anything else that conventionally grouped people together. And yet, sometimes, under his shirt, my dad would wear a cross.    To this day, I don't understand it all. But I don't have to, to love him. 
Today, I honor something he taught me through those rough moments. He taught me to think for myself. Most people wouldn't look at me and say that I'm a 'tough' person. I cry at loving gestures, at heartbreaking stories, when a friend leaves, when I'm mad... all the way down to, well, sappy commercials. I also smile a lot. And, I love, love, love seeing people feel good. I hate hurting people's feelings. Heck, last night I apologized to the cricket in the bathroom when I squished him because I couldn't keep him still long enough to get him outside. [Thank you, Mom.]   But I am strong in mind and heart. [Thank you, Dad.]   Dad kept slamming the door in my face, I think, in hopes that it would shake me from that follower way of thinking. It was a tough way to learn a lesson, but he could be a tough guy.  And, such is life, right? A tough guy.
  People respond to life in weird ways. Some of us don't want to conform so we join the rebels. (Isn't that ironic?) When you stick it to man, stick it to religion, and stick it to conformers, you feel different.   We're not that different.    And on the flip side, some of us are so close minded that we wouldn't for a second consider that we might be..shhhh.. wrong.  We are so proud of what we know, and hate whatever threatens that. We think we're different.  We're not that different.     Truth is paramount for me these days. Truth is not relative. How then could it be truth? It would be perspective. Truth is black and white.

truth/tro͞oTH/

Noun:

The quality or state of being true: "the truth of her accusation". That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality: "tell me the truth".

fact/fakt/

Noun:

A thing that is indisputably the case. Information used as evidence or as part of a report or news article.

  (Disclaimer: I do not always know what the truth is. I am the rebel and the close-minded fool  in a beautiful combination of human-ness if I must say so myself. I've got both wonderful strengths going for me. ;)   So, in terms of God. There has been a lot of hubbub lately about the Biblical law declaring homosexual activity as sin. It causes a lot of people to point fingers at Biblical laws and say-- seriously? You really accept that as truth?  Others' responses include some interesting gestures [not just the middle finger].

• Some excuse the Bible, asking forgiveness for its errors, saying it's translated wrong in parts.
• Others say the Bible is out of date, creating a mish-mash of what sounds right to them. Being tolerant or even accepting of varying viewpoints to cohabitation on our planet.
  
• And some opt out. No thanks. How about another religion, science, or philosophy instead?
  

One has to admit: If you say any of the three above, you conflict with many verses in the Bible. It claims it is the word of the one and only God, the truth, useful for all training, and perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Without faith in its message of unearned salvation, the result is an eternity in hell.
 If you lean towards a version of one of the bulleted responses, you don't really believe the claims above. So before going there, one who authentically wants to find out if the Bible is the truth, [despite personal misgivings, to put it lightly], would have to ask...   IF there is a God,  and IF He is the God of the Bible, Then,
WHY?

And that is a very honest [and possibly frightening] place to be.  Examine the Bible in its fullness with a careful eye. careful heart. careful, questioning prayer.
Acts 13 is interesting. It sums up the history of how God has moved, and towards the end says, "Through him everyone who believes is set free from every sin, a justification you were not able to obtain under the law of Moses."   After reading the book of Romans, and combined with the above [among super many others] it becomes apparent that: While the law reveals sin, it does not provide a means to overcome it. (As some say.. laws were meant for breaking. Didn't God know these laws wouldn't work for us?...wait a second, did he? And if he did, and he still included the laws...) They must be necessary; for if we can't see sin, or think we can achieve the commands set out in the Old Testament, how can anyone find genuine value in God's redemption through Jesus Christ?  You might, might, might just not understand the law. There are a LOT of people coming up with some interesting responses w/o ever considering the Bible. It's possible they don't want to take the time; they find themselves very educated and appraise or create truth instead; they listen to what someone else tells them.  But they're just people.  In the vastness of that giant Bible God says that the law is both just and impossible to meet; not that it's useless.
He says the law is perfect. It's just that... as He so nicely puts it... we forever fall short. Whether we try super hard or not at all.  We fail. So, Jesus Christ saves and redeems, showing no favoritism.  THAT is a true story for Jews and Gentiles alike.  To me, that is amazing news on this Friday.

Do It Afraid.

When I read, I try to picture everything in my mind line by line. It's a way to stay focused and draw the most meaning out of the words. Sometimes if I don't do that, I can't even recall what I just read. I do this with the Bible too. There's just one difference. When I read the Bible, I am believing every image that it describes, and I am committing it to heart as truth.

SO.
Last night before bed I was watching Acts 8-11 in my mind [reading]. It describes Stephen being stoned to death while a man named Saul stood by giving approval. Saul then goes on a rampage destroying and murdering Christians everywhere. It reads, "Saul was breathing out murderous threats...". (Please note: Saul believed in God. This is why he was so put off by this Jesus Christ claiming he was God.) Then it goes on to describe Saul's astonishing repentance and his decision to believe in and follow Christ. (It might be important to note that Jesus literally spoke to him from the heavens in a booming and authoritative voice, asking why Saul was persecuting him... then he blinded Saul.)

The only reaction it mentions from Saul is that he falls to the ground and asks,  "Who are you, Lord?" Jesus reveals himself to Saul, and gives him specific directions. Saul is still on the ground, shaking in fear, as far as I can tell.

Anyway, in this process, God speaks to another man, Ananias, in a vision, telling him to pray over this man Saul who is now a believer. Ananias, though totally afraid for his life, is obedient. Majorly good things go on to happen.

Then I got to ch.10 where a gentile [non-Jewish] commander in the Roman army is visited by an angel during his prayer time. The angel says something to the effect of, "Cornelius! Your love for God is evident. But there is more for you to know. Send men to retrieve a man named Peter, who will be waiting for you at Simon the Tanner's house in Joppa." The part I pictured was the way it described this obviously strong war hero's reaction: "Cornelius stared at him in fear." (But he did send his men for Peter.) Majorly good things go on to happen for Cornelius, his family, and friends.

What did I learn from my night-time reading? Well, my dog woke me up to go to the bathroom at midnight. As he wandered the yard playing fun night-time games, I stood there in the dark feeling very.. vulnerable. Not to bad guys. Not to wild animals. To God.

I was like, Oh dear.  Is an angel going to appear? I was spying out the shadows, seeing glints from the streetlight, and hearing things in the bushes. I was totally freaked out... that an angel was about to appear and tell me something CRAZY!

I had to laugh this morning. I'll tell you what though. I believe, and I will do it afraid. God isn't just a lovable teddy bear to squeeze when you feel lonely. He is serious business.

(And p.s. I can totally understand why people tried to literally hide from God by changing towns, etc. I turned on the lights and went in the house to feel safer... from God?? lol, really Rachel? A God appearance is intense.) Before you judge me to too harshly, look at these guys!

1. Saul was a powerful, murdering, cocky son of a gun. When God showed up... He cowered in fear on the ground.

2. Ananias was a faithful disciple already following God. Yet his immediate response was, "I am going to be killed. Lord, please nooo!"

3. Cornelius was a revered commander in the Roman army, and a faithful man of God. His response? A 'deer caught in the headlights' look of total fear. 

In the end, no angel visitations for me last night. Just an awesome dream about Disneyland where I had to solve a mystery. It was amazing.

Take God at His word. 

And when you feel afraid, you're in good company.  

People Projects

I'm not about turning people into projects. If I'm spending time with you, it's because I like you.

So, my wonderful friend Leah referred me to a blog called The Very Worst Missionary. I skimmed it and had a good time reading the lady's musings, until I read the line above. "I'm not about turning people into projects. If I'm spending time with you, it's because I like you."

I had to stop and think for a minute. I wish it was because I was just bathing in the thought of how much I agree. But it stung in the opposite way. I remember once telling my best friend that my husband is the only person I trust totally. She looked shocked, and hurt. I immediately thought, "Why on earth did I say that?" Followed by, "Shoot..it's true." 

So here's what I figure. God has been my best friend for a long time, and I know He has my back. I just love him so, so, so, so much. Not in a religious zeal kind of way, not in a bragging sort, or to uphold my Christian image. But in an honest to goodness, seriously, there is no one who has filled my heart to the brim with joy, peace, and absolute love like you. He was there when I was in the pits, and I didn't imagine it. I know it. But anyway, because of that relationship with God, when I meet people, the driving force is that they would know Jesus Christ too. And here's where things start to unravel.. I figure that I need to try to do this, and that, and everything I can to be... for lack of better words, perfect for them. In essence, there is a project in the midst. And the problem with me "trying to do this, and that, and everything I can to be... for lack of better words, perfect".. is that my whole logic here is just kind of contrived; this plan requires a perfect Rachel, and that is not me. There's a lot of great inadequacies I have to share with my friends..hehe.

The ah-ha moment today is that in many relationships I have 'tried' to bring God to people, instead of trusting that God brings himself just fine. Whooee! I can be plain ol' me enjoying plain 'ol them. That's a relief.  I won't ruin people's lives by letting them get to know me just as I am. It's ok if they don't like me. It's ok if God works in mysterious ways; I can trust him. I can trust people!

That got my brain rolling. Back in the day, there was this girl in my art class in college that brought tuna for lunch every day. She dressed weird, and she laughed a lot. She always opened her tuna in class, and everybody would gather into their lunch circles and talk about how she smelled, and what a weirdo she was. It made me mad. I liked her. Genuinely. But after reading that quote above, I started to question myself. Why do I always like the underdog? Should I not gravitate towards people like that? Is is just me wanting to find more... projects??? Augh. I was kind of having a mental break down. Because seriously, if you know me, you know I love the underdog. And I was starting to feel really sad about it all, and just unsure of my motives.

Well, then I went to clean off my kitchen cork-board, and beneath all the papers, I found an old index card with three verses on it. They read: 

Luke 12.. "Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning. [...] The Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. 

Luke 13.. "I make every effort to enter through the narrow door." 

Luke 14.. "But when you give a banquet invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.You will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." 

It felt so good to read those, especially the last one. Jesus is all about loving the people at the bottom of the totem pole. He swam upstream, when most went down. And he has created that in me too. I really love people who are different. I find them inspiring, funny, and interesting. And I can say confidently now that it's not because they're a project, but because underdogs are like hidden treasure. I absolutely know Jesus would love to hang with them, and how much he loves them cannot be contained in me. I know that Jesus is smiling at how much I love the underdog. 

G is for grace.

"I do not know any way to explain why God's grace touches a man who seems unworthy of it." 

Whittaker Chambers

I like this quote. It suits my mood tonight of how I totally don't understand God's grace. The more I don't deserve it, the greater I receive.

Just want to say thanks to God for being the best friend I could ever have. Such an encourager and lover when I'm most unlovable. Teaching me to be that way to others. Will I ever get it fully? I just don't think so. Not in this lifetime anyways. But it's inspiring. When people talk about a good person in their lives, they say, "I hope to someday be just a fraction of what he [or she] was...". That's exactly how I feel. I'm just so enamored with this love I've found in Christ.

It's ... out of this world. ;)

Giving Gracefully

Today I'm thinking about giving. Some situations lately have led me to consider why we give. I've thought of three, though there are probably more.

         Probably the most popular way is to give to those who love us (family, significant others, friends). We give our affection, loyalty, money, and time. In return, we often receive affection, loyalty, money, and time from them too. It is this continual trade off of giving. This starts from an early age for most of us, and we begin to form this ideal in our young minds: give to those you care for, and they will be happy and give back to you. Not to say that our giving intentions are always to receive, but it's implied that giving merits some type of payback in our relationships. (This isn't guaranteed, I'm sure you know. We see this ideal cause riffs in many relationships because people have different ideas of what kind of payback they 'deserve'. After a certain amount of time, some people longer than others, if the giving and payback do not seem to balance out, we stop giving or give very minimally.)

       Another type of giving is to give to organizations we support. These organizations do not necessarily give back to us individually, but they further a cause we stand for, and that's payback in itself. This might look like tithing to a church, donating to a charity, or volunteering for a nonprofit. We gain joy out of seeing the organization succeed in its purpose. We develop the ideal that giving is a way of furthering our beliefs and leaving a fingerprint on the world. If the organization starts to do things we disagree with (in result, ending the payback), we simply stop giving. No payback, no gift.

     The third type of giving is giving to a stranger. This might look like giving a lift to someone who is walking down the road, buying a meal for a homeless person, letting someone else go first in the grocery line, etc. It's when one individual gives to an unrelated, separate individual. These situations rarely give back in a predictable way. However, they more than likely do give a payback. If it's outward it may be a smile from the stranger, a thank you, it may make you look good in front of others or better your self image. If the payback is intrinsic, it can be a number of things: make you feel like a good person, make you feel like you have purpose in this world, make you feel that you're achieving religiously, or bring honor to your cause (an organization you support). For instance, when a politician gives out freebies to strangers, he is bringing honor to his political party. When a church gives out free school supplies to needy families, this brings honor to their god.

   I'm not knocking any of these forms of giving at all. Receiving is great, and I definitely am not void of a lot of the reasoning I talked about. But here is the verse that made me want to jot some thoughts down on giving this morning.

Matthew 6:3-4

"When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out. [The Message version]

P.S. A supporting is Luke 6:35

“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.

[NIV version]

I recently helped a family member out in a way that really stretched me financially, emotionally, and with my investment of time. But I did it because I fully believed and expected this would help the person become financially, emotionally, and especially, spiritually stable. It did not pan out the way I hoped. In fact, the person was angry with me at the end of my involvement. A while later, a stranger was in great need, and I spent a good amount of time helping the person with my time, finances, and encouragement. The person ended up falsifying my name for personal gain... and that was definitely not the payback I had in mind! I had hoped to again see the person financially, emotionally, and ultimately spiritually stable. Both times, I knew it was time to move on when the situation turned abusive, but my giving wasn't a failure.

I love that the Matthew verse says not to think about how it looks. Normally this would mean, don't be showy in your giving, but I also understand it as don't expect it to go your way. And I love even more that the last words in the passage say that God, who conceived you in love, is working behind the scenes and helping you out. When you give, and someone slaps you in the face (maybe literally, maybe figuratively ;), do you get angry or bitter? Do you regret giving to them? Do you respond by slandering them to other people, hurting them in revenge, taking back what you gave, sulking, pity-partying, etc? My parents taught me two things that I am barely beginning to understand.
1. My mom taught me to give secretly when possible.
2. My dad taught me to ask myself, if in the end this leads to pain on my part, is that ok? Am I prepared to give anyway? If not, he said, don't proceed.  

I like these lessons. Not because I want to be a doormat. In fact, I think these two methods of giving are both strong and bold moves. It isn't c'est la vi, what will be, will be. It's proactive and intentional. Couple that with the faith of knowing that God is working behind the scenes and helping you out* and it is actually AMAZING! You don't have to worry about defending yourself or putting people in their place. So those two circumstances I mentioned with the people above, I feel full of joy and gratitude that I was able to give to them, and I believe that God is working [present tense] behind the scenes in their lives to bring them to a place of peace with Him. We can only see so much of the picture, and even then, it's colored through our own lens. I have begun to see how blessed I am in my trials, especially when I am betrayed or my giving is abused. It's because my giving doesn't start and end with me, God sets it up, helps me with it, and then works behind the scenes long after I'm gone. It helps me to see how to love my enemies and to give to them graciously with a pure heart. It is really powerful.

Love it.

*The verse says God conceived mankind in love, and before helping us out with anything else, God's gift of salvation in Jesus Christ is his first, essential step for anyone that seeks his help. Some books I learned from, if you're interested in further research on the topic of Jesus Christ:
C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity and Lee Strobel's Case for Christ.  
(C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters is my absolute favorite, but has a fictional setting and is not a research book. I still took away great bits though, and would be curious on any of your impressions if you end up reading it!)

Lastly, I have these books if you want to borrow any. One is dog-chewed, but still readable. ;)

Nelson Mandela is human, too.

I recently finished Nelson Mandela's autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom. I love to read about these giants who seem to have overcome the bustle of everyday business and used their days to help the suffering and lift the downtrodden. It's natural to envision these men and women as heroes who have mastered something I haven't yet-- to think of them as people to admire and praise. But what I love most about Mandela's writing is how honest he is. Gosh, at moments I'd find myself reading and thinking, really? How could he have been so wrong? Why would he do such a thing? And as I read his candid memoirs, it was reassuring. His humility was really powerful for me.

Mandela wasn't unique or particularly gifted among his tribe. He didn't have some spiritual vision or grand calling for South Africa. As a child he was clueless to the circumstance around him, just like most of us are in our youth. To his credit, he is a man of great conviction, and he acted according to his conscience, or as Christians believe, he followed the Holy Spirit's lead steadfastly and with little question. A man of great faith. (Mr. Mandela is a Christian, by the way, but his book rarely if ever talks about theology. I honestly didn't know his faith, or if he had one, until the end of the book, which was also kind of nice. It wasn't like he wrote it to spout how great of a religious man he was or teach the reader a lesson.) In fact, many times Mandela discussed how he had to abandon his family for the cause of his people. He talked about his divorces and how he didn't care for his mother in her old age as he had wished to. He even questions whether his fight for freedom was worth it. I found it very comforting to hear a man so remarkable think back on his life with such sentiment. I don't think it was regret for what he did, but a longing to have been able to do more. He had to sacrifice so much, and it was humbling to hear his remorse.

Anyway, this blog is about that feeling he expressed. I feel silly comparing my feelings with Mandela's, but that's the great thing about his voice, and for me, his message. Of course his is a story of a fight against oppression and the ugliness of apartheid, but when I read it, I could hear him saying, it wasn't me who accomplished this. I did what I could, but someone much grander was at work. I know if he did read my blog he would be kind and generous in my feeble attempt to live a life that is worth it. His humanity allowed me the honor of being able to relate to his inadequacies, that he was really just a human trying to do what he thought best. I'm sometimes held back because I'm caught up in expecting more of myself in all these facets of my life (Christian, wife, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, woman, employee, neighbor, etc.) Then I think of the great need in the world, and the expectation grows exponentially. Whether it's a cultural pressure, a religious expectation, just the way I was raised or whatever-- it is a big waste of time. I just don't believe these ideals we strive for, as well intentioned as we can sometimes be, are the point.

I happened across this blog, and it brought it home for me tonight. Maybe for you too?

 "I choke because my every day life begins to feel small compared to the expectation. And He breathes truth that a life is not made by lives saved or bellies fed or words written. To adore the one who created the Heavens and the Earth, to give thanks for who He is and all He has given, to worship and commune with Holy God, whispering in the quiet, clinging in the noise, believing in all circumstances – this is what makes a life large."  Katie Davis @ kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

I dedicate this blog to the one who is always there for me and who accomplishes good in me and through me. If only I could properly thank you. You are always pointing me in the right direction, and turning me back when I go wrong. 

What can I do but thank you, what can I do but give my life to you? Hallelujah. 

What Can I Do?

Tellin' it to Titus (and you and me)

To all believers out there,

The thought that you or I could change someone into a good follower is simply untrue . Not to say I have not had that thought more times than I can count. It's just..the thought, as well intentioned as it may be sometimes, is pretty hypocritical and disillusioned. The power a believer has is to share the gospel..not to make it work. Is there someone you care deeply about that is not a Christian? There are several people I love that come to mind. When you pray, remember that the power lies in God and his inspired gospel. You speak it; it works. As a pastor who works in prison ministry encouraged me once, "The gospel is big enough on its own. It doesn't need any fancy techniques or creative presentations. Let it work."

So what do we do in the mean time, you know, to prompt them towards the truth? We quit focusing on the "bad habits" of other people, and love them. When you see someone who just seems diametrically opposed to everything you stand for, love them! Whether that be face to face, in prayer, through a gift, or the way you talk about them to other people. (This is for our benefit, not just theirs. In loving others, we are humbled into oblivion. Right where our good intentions belong. ;)

I am TOTALLY working on this, and really not there. Coming from a perfectionist, results-based past..this is hitting the un-do button on a lot of my habits.  But I am praying God fans this fire into a full on burn where 'I' ceases to be a thought, and 'they' is who I care about. I hope for you too that you grow more deeply in what it means to love others as yourself. This isn't self-deprecation or anything like that, just simply a get over yourself kind of deal.

Really, it seems that new testament scripture focuses heavily on teaching the believer how to live. So, followers of Christ, read Paul's words to Titus below and think about where you're at. Be encouraged by what God is teaching you through his Holy Spirit. 

Titus 3:1
"Remind the people [you & me!!] to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men."

Which part stands out to you? 

P.S. While the above verse is to all believers, in chapter 2, Paul specifically mentions teaching women to be reverent and not to be slanderers. The word 'slanderers' can be translated into 'diablas'... oh yeah, that's really what he said. Ouch.

All I Can Say is, I Need You.

I Need You

Want to curl up beneath your giant wings

Where all is right and peace is warm

against my body

Calming a weary heart

Rocking to the music of your love

Want to hear you whisper

in this darkness

Want to put my ear to your chest

And listen to the only rhythm that matters

in this lost place

Nothing satisfies

Nothing left to offer

What I have here is not enough

I want you so close that all I breathe

is you

Please be near

Craving

A thirsty soul in the driest desert

Come hold me close

Oh Lord, You soothe me

All I Can Say by David Crowder Band

Psalm 42: 1-2
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

Deep Poverty

This week I am on SPRING BREAK! And I want to write about poverty. :)
Mark 12:41-44
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny.
Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything-- all she had to live on." 

pov·er·ty/ˈpävərtē/

Noun:

The state of being extremely poor. The state of being inferior in quality or insufficient in amount.

If you asked the average passerby whether they would like to be in poverty, I think I can confidently bet on their reply being an adamant, "No thank you." Up until this point, that has been my reply as well. Of course I don't want to be in poverty.Verses come to mind and passages throughout the Word, of God's covenant of blessing, provision, and protection with his people. For instance,

Genesis 26:3-4 God speaks of his oath to Abraham's son Isaac.
"...I will be with you and will bless you... I will give all these lands... I will multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven... in your offspring all the nations of the earth shall be blessed..."



Psalm 103, one of my favorites,
^1" Praise the LORD, my soul;
   all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the LORD, my soul,
   and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
   and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
   and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
   so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s..."


Jeremiah 29: 11
^11" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."

 Philippians 4:19
¹⁹" And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. "

These verses are beautiful promises of God, and attributes of his goodness. I believe and stand on them wholeheartedly, but my heart has changed as to what they mean. 

Go back and read the context of each of these verses. You'll see they center on people giving of themselves, people going through times of struggle, people in poverty. These promises were about what God gives to those who CANNOT fulfill their own needs. How can he redeem a life that is not in need of redemption? How can he satisfy the desires of someone who is finding satisfaction through their own means?

It's like when you see your friend dating someone who you know is not the right companion for them-- yet that person is filling enough of the need that your friend is in limbo, unable to go forward, yet unwilling to release. If your friend would simply let go, then s/he would be able to see how much they were really lacking. Only then, can your friend pursue a relationship that has the whole package. Same thing with trapping a raccoon, or so he says in Where the Red Fern Grows. The raccoon sticks its hand into the trap to grab the shiny item, and when it clamps its fist over the item, it cannot pull its fist back out of the trap. The raccoon will never be able to fully possess the shiny item, yet it will not let go. Even to the point that the hunter arrives and traps him, to his ultimate death. Are we just hanging on to the shiny item, unable to gain what we want, but forever seeking after it? Forever unsatisfied, and yet unwilling to let go of it all.

Take a look at this passage, Matthew 5:1-11,

 ¹ Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ² and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

    He said:

   ³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
   for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
   for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
   for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

   ¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Jesus tells us here that the blessed are persecuted, meek, poor in spirit, hungry [for righteousness], insulted... not that suffering is the blessing, but that you are blessed to realize your poverty and that there is only one that can satisfy what you need-- the Great I AM. And he won't just satisfy you, he will fill you up until your cup runneth over! We are all in a state of poverty without the blood of Christ. But I haven't met someone yet, who realizes this, without suffering. Some more than others.
I feel the spirit talking to me about a counter cultural version of being blessed. That Christ was saying, and still is saying, to take great joy in your poverty because that is where He steps in and provides for you.
The verse that initially triggered me to write today, is Mark 12: 41-44, as quoted at the start of this blog.

The rich threw in large amounts. Yet, it was the widow who sacrificed from her heart that pleased God. My question was, how do I please God when I have an abundance? I do not want to 'throw in large amounts' and be careless. I want to give like the widow... and then that's when I realized what a frightening statement that is.The widow wasn't just giving, she was sacrificing. Do we even know what the word means in a nation so filled with riches, comforts, and freedoms? And how do we sacrifice in a land of abundance?

Here is another,  Mark 14: 3-9

 ³ While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

 ⁴ Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? ⁵ It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages^[a] and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly.

   ⁶ “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. ⁷ The poor you will always have with you,^[b] and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. ⁸ She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. ⁹ Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”

This lady knew what was going on. She realized this world, her possessions, her physical well being-- they are worth nothing in the heavenly scheme of things. All she cared for was in honoring and being near the Christ. She had a heavenly perspective. Do you? Do I? Don't let this be a flippant moment. I'm not. I'm serious. I want to give like the lady who threw in her last two pennies, the lady who gave out of her poverty.

It is instinctive to run from poverty, but instead, I believe Christ is saying that we will never be pleasing to God until we come to a place of total poverty of spirit. A place where we realize the malnourishment of our souls, and our complete inability to redeem ourselves. In fact, any effort made to save ourselves, is further separating us from walking with, and in the image of, Christ. 

Where is your area of poverty? The area where you feel a slight (or more than slight) pressure that you might lose something.The area where you feel a little... unstable... a great need to control what you have.
It could be your relationship with your spouse or significant other. 
It could be your income. 
It could be your career and status at work.
It could be your relationship with your child(ren). 
It could be your material wealth (the latest ipad, television, gaming system, clothes, vehicle, etc. etc. etc.) 
And countless others...

What is your area of poverty?
GIVE it away. All of it. For the glory of God. (Frightening, right?)
This is how we bring the kingdom of God, the will of God, to earth as it is done in heaven. A complete and total trust, submitting everything we have to live on.

Mark 12: 44 They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything-- all she had to live on."   My area of poverty is having things perfect-- I say this is my area of poverty, because I can never have it perfect enough. I am always striving to do it better-- perfect. So a clean home, a lovely dinner with my husband, harmonious relationships, success in the classroom with my students, that I lead a well planned bible study, and so on... but the will of God is pulling me towards sacrifice. NOT giving these things up, but giving up my controlled way of doing them. Putting my two copper coins of perfection into the offering plate, and saying, have it all, Lord.

Face it.

  Generally I think of perseverance as hanging in there, and riding the storm out. But James 1:2-4 says 'let perseverance finish its work in you'. That makes me ask the question, how can perseverance NOT finish its work in you? Do you die before the hard times end? I don't think that's what James was getting at. There is more to perseverance than just hanging in there.

James 1: 2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

 James says a few things that really stand out in this amazing passage. 

1) Verse 2 "Whenever you FACE trials..."  To face something is to look it dead in the eye. To not shy away, but to purposefully turn to look at its size, its weight, and its form. To look at the reality of the situation.

If you are in tough circumstances, and saying something like, "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine." Or, "I will make it. I am an overcomer." Or, "I hate my lifeeeeeeee!" You may not be facing your trial. You may be ignoring it, minimizing it, or being overcome by it. I think I have said all three of these phrases over the last five months, lol. And all along, God was telling me to read James 1, but I wouldn't do it. I'm like, "Oh, I know what is says. I am being matured. Ok, I will hang in there and not grumble." Then I would find myself grumbling or whining the next day, and wonder why I am not being mature yet?! When will I ever get it? 

The trial I am facing is many fold: I am not able to rely on my own strength in relationships (perfectionism out the door); I am  not able to change the circumstances of being a teacher in my image driven district (control out the door); I can't sit back on the couch after work, because we have bible studies & weekly worship practices, in addition to mounds of paperwork to grade for school (laziness out the door). Talk about painful. I could handle one of those on my own, probably two... all that pride I have stored up over the years... so three is my magic number. What's yours?

Well, the pain of this all led me to ignore my trials, and when they still didn't go away, I minimized them, and when they got bigger, I gave up and was overcome by them (pity party). I have felt like more of a failure these past 5 months than I have ever felt in my life. That statement is a good one. Failure forced me to let go & understand this passage of scripture.

2) Verse 3, "You KNOW that the testing of your faith produces perseverance". First of all, do you know that your faith is being tested? To know is defined as to be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information. Of course this follows the verse of facing your trials, because once you have really faced a trial, you see yourself. You see how you are in a place of 'testing' as the verse says. James assumes that at least we would know this much, but ... uh... do we? Personally I get so busy that I don't even face my trials, I just keep moving forward, humming "just keep swimming, just keep swimming." In that case, I do not know that my faith is being tested. I am too busy ignoring, minimizing, or being overcome. We must face our trials, to know ourselves, to know that our faith is being tested. This is when perseverance is produced. (*Perseverance is not automatically produced by going through trials. That is why we all have repeated a trial more than once, right? We never faced it, and in doing so, never faced ourselves and how our faith is being tested. So... the trial came back around! Stop the cycle. Face the trial with joy, face yourself,  KNOWING that it produces perseverance. Why would you want to gain perseverance? Keep reading -->)

3) Verse 4, "LET perseverance finish its work..." But it doesn't stop with perseverance. Once you are truly persevering, then LET it finish its work. Don't give it a timeline, or try to figure out how to fix the trial or yourself. Perseverance is defined as continuing in a course of action in the face of difficulty, or with little or no indication of success. This process of continuing with no end in sight, THIS is where the spirit produces fruit in us. I pray that I come to understand this better, and that you do too.

4) Verse 2 & Verse 4 together. "Consider it pure joy" & "you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." The bookends of the verses. Joy? Where does a feeling of great pleasure and satisfaction fit into this topic? At some point during perseverance, we come to terms with the fact that we screw things up when we're in control. That may be very depressing (it has been for me), but after facing ourselves, we see a great, mighty, glorious Father who seeks to show himself through this. He sees our immaturity, and is asking us to choose to persevere, to let perseverance do its work, so that he can manifest HIS image of glory in us. As Christians don't we always try to manifest the image we have of him by ourselves? Go to church every week, don't curse, be a good mother/father, give to others... What a joke that I thought for one minute I could manifest his image without him. My ugly side leaked through in time, and there is only one God, so I'm guessing your ugly side will leak through too if you are as foolish as me, trying to do things in my strength.

The fact that by persevering in our trials, GOD, the one and only, is producing his image in us. THIS IS PURE JOY. By submitting to the process of perseverance, you are submitting to God, who can do all things through his glorious riches in Christ... all things. Even make you loving, joyous, peaceful, patient, kind, gentle, faithful, good, and self-controlled. Christians always hear, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" And, "My God will supply all my needs!" Well yes, these are so true, but take them in context. It has much more to do with who God is and what he does, and a lot less to do with you doing things yourself. Eye opening for me!  Philippians 4:10-20

I often think that if I would only submit quicker, the trial would end faster. Where do I get that idea? Probably from my flesh that wants all painful things to come to an end asap. Anyway, God's word says LET perseverance finish its work. As in, release control, quit trying to fix it, and let me work in you SO that my will can be done on earth as it is in heaven.

I hope you are blessed by this. I wish I gained this wisdom sooner so as to not have grumbled & commiserated with others so often. I so badly want people to know my God, and I don't want to hinder that in any way. Ah, well, I trust Him to cover my sins, and I choose to LET perseverance finish its work in me, that the glory of God be manifested to many, that disciples of Christ would be the fruit. This brings peace and patience and great, satisfying, perfect joy.

Instead of just saying, hang in there. I think I will have to start saying, face it. Take great joy in your trials that the glory of God would be manifested in you as you are matured. That His name would be known in all families, cities, & nations.