People Projects

I'm not about turning people into projects. If I'm spending time with you, it's because I like you.

So, my wonderful friend Leah referred me to a blog called The Very Worst Missionary. I skimmed it and had a good time reading the lady's musings, until I read the line above. "I'm not about turning people into projects. If I'm spending time with you, it's because I like you."

I had to stop and think for a minute. I wish it was because I was just bathing in the thought of how much I agree. But it stung in the opposite way. I remember once telling my best friend that my husband is the only person I trust totally. She looked shocked, and hurt. I immediately thought, "Why on earth did I say that?" Followed by, "Shoot..it's true." 

So here's what I figure. God has been my best friend for a long time, and I know He has my back. I just love him so, so, so, so much. Not in a religious zeal kind of way, not in a bragging sort, or to uphold my Christian image. But in an honest to goodness, seriously, there is no one who has filled my heart to the brim with joy, peace, and absolute love like you. He was there when I was in the pits, and I didn't imagine it. I know it. But anyway, because of that relationship with God, when I meet people, the driving force is that they would know Jesus Christ too. And here's where things start to unravel.. I figure that I need to try to do this, and that, and everything I can to be... for lack of better words, perfect for them. In essence, there is a project in the midst. And the problem with me "trying to do this, and that, and everything I can to be... for lack of better words, perfect".. is that my whole logic here is just kind of contrived; this plan requires a perfect Rachel, and that is not me. There's a lot of great inadequacies I have to share with my friends..hehe.

The ah-ha moment today is that in many relationships I have 'tried' to bring God to people, instead of trusting that God brings himself just fine. Whooee! I can be plain ol' me enjoying plain 'ol them. That's a relief.  I won't ruin people's lives by letting them get to know me just as I am. It's ok if they don't like me. It's ok if God works in mysterious ways; I can trust him. I can trust people!

That got my brain rolling. Back in the day, there was this girl in my art class in college that brought tuna for lunch every day. She dressed weird, and she laughed a lot. She always opened her tuna in class, and everybody would gather into their lunch circles and talk about how she smelled, and what a weirdo she was. It made me mad. I liked her. Genuinely. But after reading that quote above, I started to question myself. Why do I always like the underdog? Should I not gravitate towards people like that? Is is just me wanting to find more... projects??? Augh. I was kind of having a mental break down. Because seriously, if you know me, you know I love the underdog. And I was starting to feel really sad about it all, and just unsure of my motives.

Well, then I went to clean off my kitchen cork-board, and beneath all the papers, I found an old index card with three verses on it. They read: 

Luke 12.. "Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning. [...] The Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. 

Luke 13.. "I make every effort to enter through the narrow door." 

Luke 14.. "But when you give a banquet invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.You will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." 

It felt so good to read those, especially the last one. Jesus is all about loving the people at the bottom of the totem pole. He swam upstream, when most went down. And he has created that in me too. I really love people who are different. I find them inspiring, funny, and interesting. And I can say confidently now that it's not because they're a project, but because underdogs are like hidden treasure. I absolutely know Jesus would love to hang with them, and how much he loves them cannot be contained in me. I know that Jesus is smiling at how much I love the underdog. 

G is for grace.

"I do not know any way to explain why God's grace touches a man who seems unworthy of it." 

Whittaker Chambers

I like this quote. It suits my mood tonight of how I totally don't understand God's grace. The more I don't deserve it, the greater I receive.

Just want to say thanks to God for being the best friend I could ever have. Such an encourager and lover when I'm most unlovable. Teaching me to be that way to others. Will I ever get it fully? I just don't think so. Not in this lifetime anyways. But it's inspiring. When people talk about a good person in their lives, they say, "I hope to someday be just a fraction of what he [or she] was...". That's exactly how I feel. I'm just so enamored with this love I've found in Christ.

It's ... out of this world. ;)

Giving Gracefully

Today I'm thinking about giving. Some situations lately have led me to consider why we give. I've thought of three, though there are probably more.

         Probably the most popular way is to give to those who love us (family, significant others, friends). We give our affection, loyalty, money, and time. In return, we often receive affection, loyalty, money, and time from them too. It is this continual trade off of giving. This starts from an early age for most of us, and we begin to form this ideal in our young minds: give to those you care for, and they will be happy and give back to you. Not to say that our giving intentions are always to receive, but it's implied that giving merits some type of payback in our relationships. (This isn't guaranteed, I'm sure you know. We see this ideal cause riffs in many relationships because people have different ideas of what kind of payback they 'deserve'. After a certain amount of time, some people longer than others, if the giving and payback do not seem to balance out, we stop giving or give very minimally.)

       Another type of giving is to give to organizations we support. These organizations do not necessarily give back to us individually, but they further a cause we stand for, and that's payback in itself. This might look like tithing to a church, donating to a charity, or volunteering for a nonprofit. We gain joy out of seeing the organization succeed in its purpose. We develop the ideal that giving is a way of furthering our beliefs and leaving a fingerprint on the world. If the organization starts to do things we disagree with (in result, ending the payback), we simply stop giving. No payback, no gift.

     The third type of giving is giving to a stranger. This might look like giving a lift to someone who is walking down the road, buying a meal for a homeless person, letting someone else go first in the grocery line, etc. It's when one individual gives to an unrelated, separate individual. These situations rarely give back in a predictable way. However, they more than likely do give a payback. If it's outward it may be a smile from the stranger, a thank you, it may make you look good in front of others or better your self image. If the payback is intrinsic, it can be a number of things: make you feel like a good person, make you feel like you have purpose in this world, make you feel that you're achieving religiously, or bring honor to your cause (an organization you support). For instance, when a politician gives out freebies to strangers, he is bringing honor to his political party. When a church gives out free school supplies to needy families, this brings honor to their god.

   I'm not knocking any of these forms of giving at all. Receiving is great, and I definitely am not void of a lot of the reasoning I talked about. But here is the verse that made me want to jot some thoughts down on giving this morning.

Matthew 6:3-4

"When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out. [The Message version]

P.S. A supporting is Luke 6:35

“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.

[NIV version]

I recently helped a family member out in a way that really stretched me financially, emotionally, and with my investment of time. But I did it because I fully believed and expected this would help the person become financially, emotionally, and especially, spiritually stable. It did not pan out the way I hoped. In fact, the person was angry with me at the end of my involvement. A while later, a stranger was in great need, and I spent a good amount of time helping the person with my time, finances, and encouragement. The person ended up falsifying my name for personal gain... and that was definitely not the payback I had in mind! I had hoped to again see the person financially, emotionally, and ultimately spiritually stable. Both times, I knew it was time to move on when the situation turned abusive, but my giving wasn't a failure.

I love that the Matthew verse says not to think about how it looks. Normally this would mean, don't be showy in your giving, but I also understand it as don't expect it to go your way. And I love even more that the last words in the passage say that God, who conceived you in love, is working behind the scenes and helping you out. When you give, and someone slaps you in the face (maybe literally, maybe figuratively ;), do you get angry or bitter? Do you regret giving to them? Do you respond by slandering them to other people, hurting them in revenge, taking back what you gave, sulking, pity-partying, etc? My parents taught me two things that I am barely beginning to understand.
1. My mom taught me to give secretly when possible.
2. My dad taught me to ask myself, if in the end this leads to pain on my part, is that ok? Am I prepared to give anyway? If not, he said, don't proceed.  

I like these lessons. Not because I want to be a doormat. In fact, I think these two methods of giving are both strong and bold moves. It isn't c'est la vi, what will be, will be. It's proactive and intentional. Couple that with the faith of knowing that God is working behind the scenes and helping you out* and it is actually AMAZING! You don't have to worry about defending yourself or putting people in their place. So those two circumstances I mentioned with the people above, I feel full of joy and gratitude that I was able to give to them, and I believe that God is working [present tense] behind the scenes in their lives to bring them to a place of peace with Him. We can only see so much of the picture, and even then, it's colored through our own lens. I have begun to see how blessed I am in my trials, especially when I am betrayed or my giving is abused. It's because my giving doesn't start and end with me, God sets it up, helps me with it, and then works behind the scenes long after I'm gone. It helps me to see how to love my enemies and to give to them graciously with a pure heart. It is really powerful.

Love it.

*The verse says God conceived mankind in love, and before helping us out with anything else, God's gift of salvation in Jesus Christ is his first, essential step for anyone that seeks his help. Some books I learned from, if you're interested in further research on the topic of Jesus Christ:
C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity and Lee Strobel's Case for Christ.  
(C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters is my absolute favorite, but has a fictional setting and is not a research book. I still took away great bits though, and would be curious on any of your impressions if you end up reading it!)

Lastly, I have these books if you want to borrow any. One is dog-chewed, but still readable. ;)