Dear David

This isn't a literary masterpiece. I copied it down from the scrawls of legal pad pages torn out messily and stuffed in an envelope. Despite months of trepidation, the letter wrote itself. The words acted as if they'd been locked in the pen and now finally were released with ease. I figure that means the Holy Spirit was speaking. I think too much for it to have been me. The letter is to my brother David; he's serving a prison sentence at Fort Grant right now. I have turned down many collect calls, and the letter he sent to me has sat unanswered in the kitchen for months. Before mailing the reply I finally penned, I felt like copying it here. As Easter approaches, I am in a new place with God. It's a very humble place, and well, I just don't have much else to say I guess. While the letter is probably blasé to anyone reading, it is significant to me. If you have someone in your life that perpetually "needs fixing," or if you're the one everyone disapproves of, or you're just looking to waste some time, feel free to read on. Insight not guaranteed. Just a pretty plain letter from a sister to her brother.

Hi David,
I guess I have been holding off writing. You've been in my thoughts almost daily, but I could not bring myself to write. I want to write, though, to tell you that I hope your time away from this side of things has given you what you needed, or at least set you on the path to achieving you dreams. Above all, I hope you have considered living a life in relationship with the One who designed you, has a purpose for you, and loves you beyond life itself. Loves you in the way you were made to be loved.

Life is hard. I have gone through my own humbling circumstances, and it has left me feeling a bit speechless. For many years I have thought I knew what was right for you. I always had advice or opinions about how to "set you straight." I have begun to see now that no person can truly heal another. No program can provide freedom. Each of us has a prison to deal with...whether we live in it for life is a personal deal. Some people's prisons are visible, like yours, but many more of us hide ours well. I'm saying this philosophical stuff only to get at one point: I'm sorry for judging you and thinking myself "superior." I've decided it's due time to "let" you go. You have made many choices that have been selfish, deceitful, and just plain cruel. I would imagine you feel sorrow and shame for that.

Well, welcome to the club, I guess.

I realize now more than ever that we each have a path that God works in to show us that:

1) We are wicked sinners who cannot get it right even when we try out hardest or don't try at all. (Romans 3:23)

2) He knew we'd fall. He loved us. loves us. even in the moments we are ugliest. (Romans 5:8)

3)He gave his only son to live a blameles life, face every temptation man faces, and then bear the weight of all our sins on his bloodied back as he hung on the cross being shamed, belittled, and mocked. (John 19: 1-30)

4) He raised his son from the burial tomb to LIFE, to be King, to be man's best friend, savior, healer, true love, encouragement, and total, complete redeemer from our sins. (Hebrews 4: 15-16)


Some people are humbled quickly and cling to God, abandoning their wants for a life spent knowing and being fulfilled by Him.

Others fight his call and suffer much before submitting. Submitting to what? His love. His way. It is a "death" as Mark 8:35 talks about. It is a death that many are unwilling to lay their lives down for. Little do they know, they will be raised to life... and life abundantly. (Jon 10:10)

Others still never relent and keep trying to get what they want.

I hope this letter is conveying what I pray it does-- that I love you. I too am on this journey and as I am running (tripping, going the wrong way, sitting, and so on) I shout to you: "You got this, David. Follow your heart and that still quiet voice of God. He will not leave your nor forsake you." Following after Him is frightening... but I suppose anything that is worth it is. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Easter is coming (4/20). That's kind of ironic as I write it down. 420 ... pot has been a giant battle in our family, and perhaps a thief to steal our family's joy. Well this 4/20 is Easter, and I will look at it differently. The things I wrote were not to "preach" at you or persuade you, but truly what is on my heart in my own life.

I will miss you at Annie's first birthday on April 12. :( Damn. <-- I couldn't think of a more suitable word to describe my sadness, frustration, and anger.

Well, I pray that when you read this letter you feel a good friend sitting beside you saying, brother, I love you.

I couldn't love you more if I tried.

I'm not putting money on the phone to talk. I just don't have much to say, I guess. I figure you will weigh your choices and determine what is right.
(Everyone here is doing well.)

Your sister always,
Rachel